1 00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:05,216 This programme contains strong language 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:13,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 3 00:00:16,566 --> 00:00:20,018 My flatmate says everything changes when you turn 30. 4 00:00:20,306 --> 00:00:24,313 The illusions of youth are replaced by rock solid realities. 5 00:00:25,424 --> 00:00:28,684 Anyway, I'm playing it very cool this birthday - 6 00:00:28,684 --> 00:00:31,828 a couple of beers, Chinese takeaway, watching telly. 7 00:00:33,746 --> 00:00:36,564 My friends are good about it. 8 00:00:36,564 --> 00:00:41,492 They know the last thing I want on my plate is a big splashy glittery hoo-ha. 9 00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:45,251 Th-they are clear about that. 10 00:00:55,145 --> 00:00:57,100 ALL: Surprise! 11 00:00:59,996 --> 00:01:03,351 - Leo! Leo, where do you think you're going? - Out. 12 00:01:03,351 --> 00:01:06,266 Get back in here. Go on! 13 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:10,215 The boy's come back. Yahoo! 14 00:01:10,215 --> 00:01:14,818 Happy birthday. I wanted to show you where you are now on the medicine wheel. 15 00:01:14,818 --> 00:01:18,191 Out of the house of the hunter, which is a very solitary house 16 00:01:18,191 --> 00:01:22,678 - and into the house of the warrior. - Great. I'm just going to the loo. 17 00:01:22,678 --> 00:01:26,398 Look what I've made. Taste it. Happy birthday, Leo. 18 00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,387 - Nice? - It's lovely, yeah. 19 00:01:30,387 --> 00:01:33,857 - Hey, Leo. Happy birthday. - Hi, thanks. 20 00:01:34,145 --> 00:01:37,346 I've always wanted a surprise party but somehow it's never happened. 21 00:01:37,634 --> 00:01:39,512 It's probably because I'm waiting for it. 22 00:01:41,622 --> 00:01:43,463 I'm just going to the loo, OK? 23 00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:47,719 Mm! Guess who it isn't. 24 00:01:47,719 --> 00:01:52,820 - Ummm. Baby Spice? - Correct. Here, open it now. I can't wait. 25 00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:54,776 - I'll take that. - Oh, thanks. 26 00:01:57,153 --> 00:02:00,605 - Oh! - I paid for it. It may look like I didn't but I did. 27 00:02:00,605 --> 00:02:05,589 - That's great. It's your book! - It's too heavy, isn't it? - Throw it away. I don't mind. 28 00:02:05,589 --> 00:02:10,689 - I'll put it with the other pressies. - You'll enjoy it. I learned a lot. - Great. 29 00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:18,130 - Ange? Where's Darren? - I'm not going to tell you if you're going to give him a bad time. 30 00:02:18,130 --> 00:02:21,543 - I was just going to thank him. - You're such a terrible liar. 31 00:02:21,926 --> 00:02:23,882 Relax and have a good time. 32 00:02:24,841 --> 00:02:26,221 I bought you a present. You'll love it. 33 00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:27,601 See you in a minute. 34 00:02:29,519 --> 00:02:31,475 Hi, thanks for coming. 35 00:02:31,475 --> 00:02:33,526 How are you? Are you all right? Good to see you. 36 00:02:34,773 --> 00:02:37,514 Good to see you. Thanks for coming. I'll see you in a minute, OK? 37 00:02:40,448 --> 00:02:43,669 "This isn't so bad, actually. I got through the top floor in one piece." 38 00:02:46,546 --> 00:02:49,077 - Oh, hi there. How are you? - I'm fine. 39 00:02:50,764 --> 00:02:52,604 You've lost some weight, haven't you? 40 00:02:52,604 --> 00:02:55,250 - Are you coming down? - What are you up to? 41 00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,704 Well, you know, just keeping busy. 42 00:02:59,776 --> 00:03:01,348 Hi. How are you? Fine. 43 00:03:01,731 --> 00:03:04,070 "Wonder how Darren found half these people." 44 00:03:06,237 --> 00:03:07,043 See you in a minute. 45 00:03:11,012 --> 00:03:11,722 Hi! 46 00:03:12,009 --> 00:03:12,718 Hi. 47 00:03:13,006 --> 00:03:15,115 - I hope you don't mind my... - No. 48 00:03:16,074 --> 00:03:18,720 It takes a while to get used to it. Just check my look. 49 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,439 - How are you? - Pretty good, pretty good. you know. 50 00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:24,625 I'm going to Thailand in a couple of weeks. 51 00:03:24,912 --> 00:03:27,156 Really? That's a long way. 52 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:31,950 Yeah. Well, it's something I've been meaning to do for a long time. 53 00:03:33,598 --> 00:03:36,129 Anyway, happy birthday. 54 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,510 Yeah, thanks. 55 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,466 It's for Sal, somewhere. 56 00:03:41,843 --> 00:03:42,841 Happy birthday, Leo. 57 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:44,508 Thanks. 58 00:03:45,755 --> 00:03:47,672 "Now I remember why I didn't want this." 59 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,926 - Darren. - Hello, birthday boy. 60 00:03:52,926 --> 00:03:56,608 Listen, I asked the boys from downstairs and guess what? 61 00:03:56,608 --> 00:04:00,098 - It turns out they're brothers. - Hi. 62 00:04:01,094 --> 00:04:04,468 - I told you... I'll get him back in five minutes. - It was getting interesting. 63 00:04:06,961 --> 00:04:10,413 Darren. Darren, what were you thinking? This is all I need. 64 00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:14,286 I'm sorry, it's your birthday. I thought you might like it. 65 00:04:14,286 --> 00:04:16,932 There's absolutely no-one here that I want to see. 66 00:04:21,381 --> 00:04:24,180 Would you like me to send them all home? 67 00:04:25,675 --> 00:04:27,938 - It's too late for that now, isn't it? - Yes, it is. 68 00:04:29,856 --> 00:04:31,811 Have I done a bad thing? 69 00:04:35,243 --> 00:04:38,177 Come back to the party, little Leo. 70 00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:43,220 No. No. I'm going to stay here and watch telly. 71 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,117 No-one will notice. 72 00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:50,909 SHOOTING ON TV 73 00:04:51,581 --> 00:04:53,516 I really thought you were making progress. 74 00:04:53,516 --> 00:04:58,156 I thought, "Marvellous. Leo's finally decided to live his life." 75 00:05:00,111 --> 00:05:01,109 Wrong again. 76 00:05:03,986 --> 00:05:04,982 Bye. 77 00:05:05,634 --> 00:05:06,631 Hm. 78 00:05:08,549 --> 00:05:14,340 "That's not fair. I WAS living my life. But things got very complicated." 79 00:05:35,623 --> 00:05:37,962 - OK, start with his age. - He's 35. 80 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,994 Well preserved 37 at a pinch. 81 00:05:39,994 --> 00:05:45,209 - But gorgeous. - Wait for me. Can't a girl have a pee? It's a long ride from Heathrow. 82 00:05:46,168 --> 00:05:47,011 Here's your stuff. 83 00:05:47,011 --> 00:05:50,770 - Darren, bags, Leo cologne. - Thanks. 84 00:05:50,770 --> 00:05:53,953 - What have I missed? - Right, well, he's 35-ish. 85 00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:55,295 Um, we don't know if he's gorgeous. 86 00:05:57,213 --> 00:06:00,050 I'm not sure if gorgeous is the right word for him. 87 00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:02,006 He's more salty. 88 00:06:02,006 --> 00:06:03,846 I want to say rugged. 89 00:06:03,846 --> 00:06:06,224 Height? 6ft-ish. 90 00:06:06,224 --> 00:06:08,179 That's good. Job? 91 00:06:08,179 --> 00:06:09,023 Oh, yes. 92 00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:10,020 Morning, Jeremy. 93 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:11,899 'He's an estate agent.' 94 00:06:13,817 --> 00:06:15,351 He's a what? 95 00:06:15,351 --> 00:06:20,298 - An estate agent. Sells houses. - Is this the guy who came round the other day? 96 00:06:20,298 --> 00:06:21,294 He might be. 97 00:06:23,212 --> 00:06:24,210 Mm. Lovely coffee. 98 00:06:26,434 --> 00:06:27,545 Jeremy Downey, Reynolds and Landon. 99 00:06:29,463 --> 00:06:32,914 Imagine him all neat and high class in his city suit. 100 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:35,215 - Cuff links and brogues. - Sort of. 101 00:06:35,215 --> 00:06:39,011 And now, I want you to imagine all these seething animal passions 102 00:06:39,011 --> 00:06:45,760 just a fraction of an inch under the surface - about to erupt through the pie crust decorum. 103 00:06:46,719 --> 00:06:50,670 I'm afraid the place is in a mess from my grandchildren. 104 00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:55,118 - OK, I think we've got the picture. - Can we get to the smut, please. 105 00:06:55,118 --> 00:06:57,073 OK, getting there. 106 00:06:59,490 --> 00:07:01,369 What does an estate agent have access to? 107 00:07:03,287 --> 00:07:05,089 - Work it out. - Mm... 108 00:07:05,089 --> 00:07:07,235 - Photos of houses... - Plans... - Secretaries. 109 00:07:07,235 --> 00:07:10,189 - Pens... - Coffee mugs... 110 00:07:10,189 --> 00:07:11,607 I'll be needing these, of course. 111 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:13,026 Oh? 112 00:07:14,944 --> 00:07:16,439 You can't expect me to sell the place without them. 113 00:07:18,357 --> 00:07:19,622 Darren, you slut. 114 00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:21,501 Well, how's he supposed to sell a house without them? 115 00:07:23,419 --> 00:07:25,528 I am switching estate agents. 116 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,026 I don't blame you. 117 00:07:29,286 --> 00:07:30,283 Hello? 118 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:31,778 Anyone home? 119 00:07:31,778 --> 00:07:33,734 Jeremy, we can't do this. 120 00:07:36,802 --> 00:07:37,799 No, this is all wrong. 121 00:07:38,144 --> 00:07:39,140 Hello? 122 00:07:45,738 --> 00:07:47,693 You sexy little thing. 123 00:07:54,059 --> 00:07:54,710 BELL RINGS 124 00:07:55,669 --> 00:07:58,047 No, no. I don't believe it. You're making this up. 125 00:07:58,047 --> 00:07:58,583 No, no, I'm not. 126 00:07:58,583 --> 00:08:01,614 Sit down, Leo. ..Go on, Darren. 127 00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:02,226 Hello? 128 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:09,705 I can't go through with it. 129 00:08:09,705 --> 00:08:10,701 I'm going. 130 00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:12,657 Oh, no, you're not. 131 00:08:15,266 --> 00:08:18,563 I'm shocked. I'm sure you can go to prison for this sort of thing. 132 00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:21,592 - Leo, it's all right to be jealous. - I'm not. 133 00:08:23,549 --> 00:08:26,003 - Oh, yes, you are. - I am not jealous. 134 00:08:28,572 --> 00:08:30,489 If it's any consolation, I'm jealous, too. 135 00:08:32,407 --> 00:08:35,168 Listen to us. We're two attractive men in our prime. 136 00:08:35,244 --> 00:08:41,113 Why don't you and I ever hit the town together...? 137 00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:43,873 Because, Adam, we'd want to go to different places. 138 00:08:43,873 --> 00:08:44,333 Right. 139 00:08:48,130 --> 00:08:49,395 I just love women. Always have. 140 00:08:50,316 --> 00:08:51,312 It's the support you get. 141 00:08:54,189 --> 00:08:57,064 That's what I miss. I'm just crap at being single. 142 00:08:57,064 --> 00:09:00,362 Well, you've got your men's group. 143 00:09:00,362 --> 00:09:01,512 Put a sock in it. 144 00:09:01,512 --> 00:09:05,693 You've got your antlers to fall back on. 145 00:09:05,693 --> 00:09:06,728 You're gagging to come to my men's group. 146 00:09:08,646 --> 00:09:09,565 You're fascinated by it. 147 00:09:10,524 --> 00:09:16,775 All right, I'm fascinated. It's more at a wet dream level than wanting to join up. 148 00:09:16,775 --> 00:09:20,342 I envision you all ripping your clothes off and wrestling naked. 149 00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:25,596 We have never done that. Now you mention it, 150 00:09:25,596 --> 00:09:27,359 - it's not a bad idea. - That's exactly the kind of thing 151 00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,466 that would stop me from going. Wrestling naked. 152 00:09:30,466 --> 00:09:32,421 What if I got a hard-on? 153 00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:35,221 Well, it would add a whole new dynamic. 154 00:09:36,180 --> 00:09:37,176 It certainly would. 155 00:09:39,861 --> 00:09:41,242 Anyway, why be ashamed of what your body does? 156 00:09:44,119 --> 00:09:45,690 Also, the group could do with a bit of variety. 157 00:09:47,608 --> 00:09:51,787 You think my erections glow in the dark? That's how we find each other in parks at night? 158 00:09:51,787 --> 00:09:54,740 - Can I say one thing? - Yes. 159 00:09:55,699 --> 00:09:56,312 Good. 160 00:09:59,495 --> 00:10:02,486 I think it's an incredible time to be a guy. 161 00:10:02,486 --> 00:10:09,773 We have to get ready for the new century. We have to know who we are. I think you should come. 162 00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:12,763 No. 163 00:10:12,763 --> 00:10:12,993 BELL RINGS 164 00:10:19,129 --> 00:10:20,127 Hi. 165 00:10:25,534 --> 00:10:29,598 - Keith, this is Leo. - Hi. Pleased to meet you. 166 00:10:29,598 --> 00:10:32,359 - Hi. - Leo, this is Keith. 167 00:10:34,086 --> 00:10:36,041 Hi. Come on in. 168 00:10:43,672 --> 00:10:47,315 Sybil, I told you the men's group was going to use the Moroccan room. 169 00:10:47,315 --> 00:10:49,846 I cleared it with you. 170 00:10:49,846 --> 00:10:55,291 - So, you get the Moroccan room and the Tibetan singing bowl. - I booked the Tibetan singing bowl. 171 00:10:57,209 --> 00:10:58,551 I wasn't there when you did it. 172 00:11:00,469 --> 00:11:04,265 It never occurred to you my women's group might want the Moroccan room. 173 00:11:04,265 --> 00:11:07,448 We get the small little Inuit room. Because we're so small. 174 00:11:07,448 --> 00:11:10,938 Sybil, we'll talk about this later. 175 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:17,188 I suppose you guys need that space for your gigantic penises. 176 00:11:18,147 --> 00:11:18,914 Correct. 177 00:11:24,513 --> 00:11:27,005 Everyone, this is Leo. 178 00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:28,961 Hi, hi. 179 00:11:30,227 --> 00:11:32,106 Leo, this is John. 180 00:11:33,065 --> 00:11:34,061 Pleased to meet you. 181 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:37,014 Terry and Brendan who's Irish. 182 00:11:40,005 --> 00:11:47,905 So, Leo, we usually get new members to begin by telling us a history of yourself 183 00:11:48,864 --> 00:11:53,657 as a man. How do you feel about your maleness? Proud? 184 00:11:54,616 --> 00:11:56,150 Ashamed? 185 00:11:57,109 --> 00:11:58,183 Ambivalent? 186 00:11:59,142 --> 00:11:59,716 Er... 187 00:11:59,716 --> 00:12:00,369 Don't rush it. 188 00:12:00,369 --> 00:12:01,250 Just take your time. 189 00:12:04,817 --> 00:12:09,456 - We talked for hours and I told them all about my family and it was wonderful. - You amaze me. 190 00:12:09,456 --> 00:12:13,291 You talked about your emotional problems with a roomful of straight men? 191 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:22,841 The experience of being male is common to gay and straight men. If you've got a dick, you're a man. 192 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:24,604 - Isn't that right, Ange? - Tell me about it. 193 00:12:26,522 --> 00:12:29,359 - Make me something to eat and it's yours. - That's what we're talking about. 194 00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:35,188 - We're talking about maleness. - You didn't tell them you were gay, did you? 195 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,684 Oh, God, you're such a separatist. 196 00:12:37,643 --> 00:12:39,905 He is. It's all bloody gay, gay, gay with him. 197 00:12:40,864 --> 00:12:42,704 Gay gym, gay restaurant... 198 00:12:42,704 --> 00:12:44,391 Gay life insurance. Don't forget that. 199 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:47,152 I hope they're spunky, these straight men of yours. 200 00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,981 One's very nice, actually. And he's Irish. 201 00:12:53,940 --> 00:13:00,076 He's got this voice, it sort of washes over you like some dark powerful river. 202 00:13:01,035 --> 00:13:03,298 There's a good manly way of describing a man. 203 00:13:03,298 --> 00:13:06,135 Just ignore him. I think it sounds most therapeutic. 204 00:13:07,094 --> 00:13:07,668 Tell me more. 205 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:11,849 Well, the good news is 206 00:13:11,849 --> 00:13:14,955 there are some signs of an upturn in the market. 207 00:13:14,955 --> 00:13:20,170 At least, there are signs that the rate at which it is falling is slowing down. 208 00:13:20,170 --> 00:13:23,775 That doesn't sound too hopeful. < I'll be frank with you, 209 00:13:23,775 --> 00:13:28,453 the fact that you're on a railway isn't going to help. 210 00:13:29,412 --> 00:13:31,867 I don't know. We rather like the trains. 211 00:13:33,785 --> 00:13:36,009 I appreciate the fact that YOU like the trains. 212 00:13:36,009 --> 00:13:38,769 But will your prospective purchaser? 213 00:13:39,728 --> 00:13:40,725 Here comes one now. 214 00:13:40,839 --> 00:13:53,421 TRAIN THUNDERS BY 215 00:13:53,802 --> 00:13:56,870 How will you sell this place with that racket? 216 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,250 I can sell anything. 217 00:13:58,250 --> 00:13:59,631 Oh shit. 218 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:00,359 What? 219 00:14:04,195 --> 00:14:05,191 Look at this. 220 00:14:06,150 --> 00:14:07,147 Made in Hong Kong. 221 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,143 Most of them are. 222 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:18,306 For fuck's sake. 223 00:14:18,306 --> 00:14:19,610 What's the matter? Vinyl. 224 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:25,171 It's just a headboard. Don't stop now. I was just getting moist. 225 00:14:25,171 --> 00:14:28,085 That's textured bloody vinyl. This place is not right. 226 00:14:28,085 --> 00:14:30,117 This is British Home Stores. 227 00:14:30,117 --> 00:14:32,341 The decor doesn't bother me. 228 00:14:32,341 --> 00:14:35,255 This whole room... Look at this. 229 00:14:35,255 --> 00:14:38,438 She's lost her leg. KNOCKING 230 00:14:38,438 --> 00:14:40,432 What was that? Someone's at the door. Hide. 231 00:14:40,432 --> 00:14:41,698 Hide. 232 00:14:42,657 --> 00:14:46,492 30 per cent nylon. 70 per cent bleeding polyester. I'm getting out of here. 233 00:14:49,369 --> 00:14:50,710 I rather like a bit of polyester. 234 00:14:54,124 --> 00:14:58,572 Today, we're going to be passing around the honesty stone. 235 00:14:58,572 --> 00:15:03,058 - Oh, this is great. - This ritual comes from native American culture. 236 00:15:04,017 --> 00:15:06,663 The stone is passed round clockwise. 237 00:15:06,663 --> 00:15:12,569 If it's given to you, you have to speak with absolute honesty. 238 00:15:13,528 --> 00:15:15,368 about something which is on your mind. 239 00:15:15,368 --> 00:15:19,318 It's a liberating ritual. Don't think of it 240 00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:21,542 as a test. It's an opportunity. 241 00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:25,301 John, why don't you go first? 242 00:15:26,988 --> 00:15:31,091 I feel tense, you know... 243 00:15:32,050 --> 00:15:32,739 nervous. 244 00:15:32,739 --> 00:15:34,312 That's perfectly natural. 245 00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:38,454 Let the stone help you. Hold it. 246 00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:39,392 Hold it. 247 00:15:42,269 --> 00:15:44,666 Allow it to speak to you in its own way. 248 00:15:45,625 --> 00:15:50,035 Allow its energy to open the floodgates of your mind. 249 00:15:57,896 --> 00:16:00,043 I... I don't know what's wrong with me. I... 250 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,377 I can't speak. 251 00:16:04,377 --> 00:16:05,680 Take your time. 252 00:16:08,441 --> 00:16:11,279 Er, I feel like there's this... 253 00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:15,536 blockage in my throat. 254 00:16:18,488 --> 00:16:19,256 G... 255 00:16:21,174 --> 00:16:22,707 Huuu.. 256 00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:26,351 John, let it happen. He's spontaneously rebirthing. 257 00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:30,952 - Ugggh... - Terry, place your hand under John's leg in a supportive and loving way. 258 00:16:31,911 --> 00:16:33,291 I'm going really faint. 259 00:16:33,291 --> 00:16:38,583 No, you are not going to faint. It's just your ego trying to protect itself. 260 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:44,259 The b-blockage just moved down to my stomach. 261 00:16:44,259 --> 00:16:47,825 Leo, place your hand on John's stomach in a supportive and loving way. 262 00:16:48,784 --> 00:16:51,469 My knees, oh God, the pain. 263 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,312 Adam, his knees. 264 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:55,725 Let it all go, John. 265 00:16:55,725 --> 00:16:59,636 Let these strong, loving men heal you. 266 00:16:59,636 --> 00:17:01,516 Jesus Christ, the rage... 267 00:17:01,516 --> 00:17:04,966 If you want to shout and scream, shout and scream! 268 00:17:04,966 --> 00:17:08,418 Oh, my feet, my feet! 269 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,067 Great. It's in your feet! 270 00:17:11,027 --> 00:17:16,011 John, try to imagine all the pain draining out of your feet 271 00:17:16,011 --> 00:17:20,728 into the nurturing earth. Into the life-giving sea. 272 00:17:20,728 --> 00:17:22,415 Aaah! 273 00:17:22,415 --> 00:17:25,330 < Aaah! 274 00:17:26,787 --> 00:17:32,692 And now we focus on the wide Arctic silence. 275 00:17:32,692 --> 00:17:35,608 < Aaah! 276 00:17:35,608 --> 00:17:37,678 < John, let it all out. 277 00:17:37,678 --> 00:17:40,324 < Aaah! 278 00:17:40,324 --> 00:17:40,937 Aaah! 279 00:17:43,814 --> 00:17:46,077 There's a terrible banging noise in my head. 280 00:17:46,881 --> 00:17:50,333 There's a constant banging noise. Oh, God. 281 00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:52,595 Make it go away. 282 00:17:54,513 --> 00:17:55,510 It's my father. 283 00:17:56,469 --> 00:17:57,465 My father. 284 00:17:59,115 --> 00:18:00,111 My father beat me. 285 00:18:02,412 --> 00:18:04,368 It's OK, John. It's OK. 286 00:18:06,516 --> 00:18:13,112 It's only now in the company of this group of... of men 287 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,100 that I can finally face my grief. 288 00:18:18,327 --> 00:18:20,168 Why? Why? 289 00:18:23,963 --> 00:18:28,681 He died and I couldn't speak to him and I had so many questions to ask. 290 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:31,269 Thank you, John. 291 00:18:31,557 --> 00:18:32,554 But why? 292 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,468 Well done. Well done. 293 00:18:35,468 --> 00:18:36,464 Yeah, nice one, John, 294 00:18:36,464 --> 00:18:39,380 That was so illuminating. 295 00:18:41,298 --> 00:18:42,295 That was great. 296 00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:43,291 Cheers. 297 00:18:46,014 --> 00:18:49,619 - Right. - Is it me, next? 298 00:18:49,619 --> 00:18:49,964 'Fraid so. 299 00:18:53,645 --> 00:18:55,255 That's a pretty touch act to follow. 300 00:18:57,173 --> 00:18:59,129 It wasn't an act. 301 00:18:59,129 --> 00:19:00,433 Sorry, I didn't... 302 00:19:05,496 --> 00:19:06,492 Don't feel inhibited, Leo. 303 00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:11,592 It's the honesty stone. All you have to do is to be honest. 304 00:19:14,545 --> 00:19:16,385 I find a member of the group attractive. 305 00:19:17,728 --> 00:19:18,455 Who? 306 00:19:22,483 --> 00:19:23,308 Brendan. 307 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:33,067 - Can I pass the stone on, now? - Can you tell us a bit more about your feelings for Brendan? 308 00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:37,017 Is the attraction spiritual? Emotional? 309 00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,739 Or physical? 310 00:19:39,739 --> 00:19:43,766 I'm not going to start hyperventilating or anything, am I? 311 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,681 - Not unless you need to. - No. 312 00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:50,975 OK, well, I suppose on a spiritual level, 313 00:19:50,975 --> 00:19:56,881 I probably do have some affinity with Brendan. 314 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,830 However, if I'm going to be completely honest about it, 315 00:20:02,748 --> 00:20:07,236 I have to say that there's a lot of sexual attraction there, too. 316 00:20:08,195 --> 00:20:09,268 - Er... - Great. 317 00:20:09,268 --> 00:20:12,834 Great. Go on. 318 00:20:12,834 --> 00:20:15,288 - What, you want me to go into details? - It's OK, Leo. 319 00:20:16,247 --> 00:20:17,167 I can take it, you know. 320 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:22,613 What exactly is it about Brendan that turns you on, Leo? 321 00:20:22,613 --> 00:20:25,604 - Is there a particular body part? - Well, um... 322 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:33,350 I would say what we've got here is a pretty hot package, really? 323 00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:34,635 From head to toe and... 324 00:20:34,635 --> 00:20:37,338 If Brendan were 325 00:20:37,338 --> 00:20:41,518 batting with the same team as me, as it were, then, yeah, I'd ask him out. 326 00:20:44,395 --> 00:20:45,698 Come on, guys, don't make me feel like a freak, 327 00:20:45,698 --> 00:20:51,527 I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed Brendan is a handsome man. 328 00:20:55,516 --> 00:20:56,360 He's all right. 329 00:21:01,191 --> 00:21:02,073 Christ. 330 00:21:02,264 --> 00:21:02,973 Er, Brendan... 331 00:21:05,524 --> 00:21:06,521 I just wanted to say... 332 00:21:09,053 --> 00:21:11,045 I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, you know. 333 00:21:11,045 --> 00:21:15,456 - No. - I guess I just got caught up... - Fine, you didn't embarrass me. 334 00:21:16,703 --> 00:21:18,371 Well, I think I did. 335 00:21:19,330 --> 00:21:23,164 Well, you know, it was a bit of a bombshell, yeah but... 336 00:21:25,657 --> 00:21:29,185 But actually, you know, I felt kind of flattered. 337 00:21:35,819 --> 00:21:36,528 - What? - Nothing. 338 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,996 What? What? Did I say the wrong thing, or what? 339 00:22:38,539 --> 00:21:44,485 I guess, that... You know, I guess it sounded a bit patronising. 340 00:21:45,444 --> 00:21:46,442 - Did it? - Yeah, it did a bit. 341 00:21:46,442 --> 00:21:48,666 Well, Christ, well, pardon me. 342 00:21:48,666 --> 00:21:51,273 - No offence meant, you know. - It's OK. 343 00:21:55,032 --> 00:21:57,064 I'll see you next week, yeah? 344 00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:02,815 Look, I'm sorry. Do you want to go for a quick pint or something? 345 00:22:02,815 --> 00:22:09,182 You know... you know... I've got an early start in the morning. 346 00:22:10,256 --> 00:22:11,329 - You know. - Yeah, yeah, I know. 347 00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:14,090 - Next week, yeah? - Yeah, all right, then. 348 00:22:19,844 --> 00:22:23,487 THUNDER ROLLS 349 00:22:52,708 --> 00:22:53,320 Oh! 350 00:23:10,002 --> 00:23:10,999 The Rough Guide to Ireland. 351 00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:13,568 "Never has Ireland been so readily accessible." 352 00:23:17,825 --> 00:23:20,432 "Margaret Thatcher put the C back in Conservatism." That's it. 353 00:23:32,052 --> 00:23:33,049 That was great. 354 00:23:42,099 --> 00:23:44,055 Jeremy? Yeah? 355 00:23:45,282 --> 00:23:46,279 I've been thinking. 356 00:23:47,238 --> 00:23:48,235 Oh, yeah, about...? 357 00:23:51,111 --> 00:23:54,255 Do you think our relationship has an over-emphasis on the physical side? 358 00:23:54,926 --> 00:23:55,904 How do you mean? 359 00:23:56,863 --> 00:24:02,653 I'm probably being silly. I just think sometimes it might be nice if we maybe went out, or something. 360 00:24:03,612 --> 00:24:07,908 You know, lunch at Soho. Shopping? 361 00:24:08,386 --> 00:24:09,288 Don't be so soft. 362 00:24:11,302 --> 00:24:14,503 Our world shouldn't revolve around other people's empty houses. 363 00:24:16,038 --> 00:24:18,415 I want to show you off, you know. 364 00:24:21,483 --> 00:24:26,084 It was just a thought. Probably not a very profound one. 365 00:24:41,827 --> 00:24:42,632 Hi. 366 00:24:42,919 --> 00:24:44,817 Hi. .. All right, Adam? 367 00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:46,715 - How are you? - I'll get you for this. 368 00:24:47,674 --> 00:24:48,442 Sure, you will. 369 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,583 - Thank you for that. - Well, 370 00:24:52,583 --> 00:24:54,538 that was very interesting. 371 00:24:55,497 --> 00:24:59,523 - Did you see how many slices of ham he put in your sandwich? - The normal amount. 372 00:25:00,482 --> 00:25:02,821 - He gave you a great big extra slice. - He didn't. 373 00:25:03,780 --> 00:25:06,695 Let me see. Come on. 374 00:25:07,309 --> 00:25:11,527 - Two slices. How many slices have you got? - Two SMALL slices. 375 00:25:12,486 --> 00:25:17,049 You have a row of pickled gherkin. I don't have a row of pickled gherkin. 376 00:25:17,049 --> 00:25:19,887 - I suppose that means something. - Certainly. It does. 377 00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:23,492 We straight men have this system of codes. 378 00:25:24,451 --> 00:25:28,016 A row of pickled gherkin is pretty serious. 379 00:25:28,016 --> 00:25:32,082 PHONE RINGS 380 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,382 Hello? Oh, hold on a sec. 381 00:25:36,511 --> 00:25:37,315 Leo, it's for you. 382 00:25:39,521 --> 00:25:43,432 - Who is it? - I'm not sure but his voice washed over me like a dark, powerful river. 383 00:25:45,254 --> 00:25:45,849 Hello? 384 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:47,612 Hi, Leo? 385 00:25:48,092 --> 00:25:51,582 It's Brendan. From the group. 386 00:25:51,678 --> 00:25:52,137 Hi, hi. 387 00:25:53,096 --> 00:25:56,126 I wanted to say sorry for being rude the other night. 388 00:25:56,509 --> 00:25:57,774 Were you rude? I didn't notice. 389 00:25:58,733 --> 00:26:02,261 'Well, you know, I was unfriendly and I feel bad about that. 390 00:26:03,220 --> 00:26:04,179 'I guess I just...' 391 00:26:05,138 --> 00:26:09,164 I don't know, I guess I just misinterpreted your invitation. 392 00:26:09,164 --> 00:26:13,114 'But I was thinking, I shouldn't be stand-offish.' 393 00:26:13,114 --> 00:26:13,727 Right, yeah. 394 00:26:15,933 --> 00:26:16,527 Sorry, I just... 395 00:26:17,869 --> 00:26:18,712 (I'll do that. It's all right.) 396 00:26:18,712 --> 00:26:20,668 Oh, great. 397 00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:28,683 I was wondering... I know a pub where they have real Guinness. 398 00:26:28,683 --> 00:26:34,014 I'm free tonight, so if you're not doing anything, you might want to go out. 399 00:26:34,014 --> 00:26:39,229 Right, just a minute. I'll just check if I'm free. 400 00:26:39,229 --> 00:26:41,453 Darren, are we going anywhere tonight? (Say no.) 401 00:26:41,741 --> 00:26:44,598 No. Not unless you want to go to that orgy... 402 00:26:44,598 --> 00:26:49,813 - Yeah, that'd be fine. - Yeah? Should I pick you up? 403 00:26:49,813 --> 00:26:53,667 - Pick me up. - What's the address? - Flat 5, 13 Old Street. 404 00:26:53,667 --> 00:26:56,792 Oh, yeah, I know. That's right off City Road, isn't it? 405 00:26:58,134 --> 00:26:59,362 What, eight-ish? 406 00:26:59,362 --> 00:27:00,780 OK, yeah, I'll see you then. Sure. 407 00:27:01,740 --> 00:27:03,695 Good, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye. 408 00:27:04,654 --> 00:27:06,533 Ooooh! 409 00:27:08,565 --> 00:27:09,120 Eeeh, he-he. 410 00:27:12,669 --> 00:27:17,270 - You look sexy. Rub some compost on your face. Straight boys like that. - It's not a date. 411 00:27:17,270 --> 00:27:19,111 It's just a drink. Where are you going? 412 00:27:20,070 --> 00:27:21,066 I'm going to tell Ange. 413 00:27:23,866 --> 00:27:24,863 So, thanks for locking up. 414 00:27:27,125 --> 00:27:29,464 I like you in that jacket. You look all boyish. 415 00:27:30,711 --> 00:27:31,420 Thanks. 416 00:27:37,978 --> 00:27:38,975 I'll see you. 417 00:28:17,707 --> 00:28:21,581 THEY CHEER 418 00:28:26,335 --> 00:28:29,250 ECSTATIC GRUNTING 419 00:28:29,595 --> 00:28:31,704 OK, I'm trying to build a mental picture here. 420 00:28:32,376 --> 00:28:35,040 Did you have sex before or after table football. 421 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,645 - Don't be naive, it was during. - We had a couple of pints. 422 00:28:38,645 --> 00:28:43,898 - Exchanged rings in a quiet ceremony. - No. We had a long chat 423 00:28:43,898 --> 00:28:45,931 - about his ex girlfriend. - He'll get over it. 424 00:28:48,730 --> 00:28:52,986 Look, we just want to be friends. Male bonding. Is that what they call it? 425 00:28:54,904 --> 00:28:56,515 - Do we have to watch this? - Yes, yes. 426 00:28:56,515 --> 00:29:00,542 MOANING This is for your benefit, actually. 427 00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:01,922 Think of it as a refresher course. 428 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:04,453 That look familiar? 429 00:29:05,872 --> 00:29:08,902 - Does it? - Vaguely. - Good. 430 00:29:10,494 --> 00:29:11,202 You'll thank us later. 431 00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:14,999 Hello? Hi? 432 00:29:16,418 --> 00:29:18,718 Hello, Keith? It's Adam and Leo. 433 00:29:20,982 --> 00:29:21,556 Oh, hi. 434 00:29:21,556 --> 00:29:25,467 Hi, you guys, you're in the sauna tonight. They've already gone over. 435 00:29:28,344 --> 00:29:30,301 - It's this way. - Sauna? 436 00:29:30,301 --> 00:29:30,875 Yeah. 437 00:29:30,875 --> 00:29:31,871 What sauna? 438 00:29:32,831 --> 00:29:34,172 Sometimes we start with a sauna. 439 00:29:36,090 --> 00:29:37,585 - It's just relaxed. - Just a minute. 440 00:29:37,585 --> 00:29:42,111 - You expect ME to take my clothes off. - Leo, come on. 441 00:29:43,070 --> 00:29:44,067 I'm not taking my kit off. 442 00:29:45,026 --> 00:29:45,907 Well, I'm going to keep my pants on. OK? 443 00:29:46,866 --> 00:29:48,400 Yeah, if you want to. 444 00:29:59,291 --> 00:30:00,058 Well, who would have thought. 445 00:30:01,976 --> 00:30:02,876 Oh, God. 446 00:30:02,876 --> 00:30:03,738 < Get off. 447 00:30:04,697 --> 00:30:06,039 LEO THINKS Wonder how Leo's doing. 448 00:30:07,957 --> 00:30:10,603 Margaret Thatcher. In 1979 449 00:30:10,603 --> 00:30:14,016 Margaret Thatcher moves into 10 Downing Street after a Tory landslide. 450 00:30:19,462 --> 00:30:20,593 I want to share something with the group. 451 00:30:21,264 --> 00:30:22,260 ALL SPEAK Share with us. 452 00:30:28,436 --> 00:30:31,157 OK. Right. It all started when Leo 453 00:30:31,157 --> 00:30:34,571 was telling us about his feelings towards Brendan. 454 00:30:36,489 --> 00:30:37,447 I never heard anyone speak 455 00:30:37,447 --> 00:30:41,550 with such a refreshing directness about this particular taboo subject. 456 00:30:41,550 --> 00:30:43,506 < I didn't find it refreshing. 457 00:30:46,651 --> 00:30:48,645 This is the bit that's really hard to say. 458 00:30:54,013 --> 00:30:56,430 Yang, yang, yang... 459 00:30:56,430 --> 00:30:59,152 Terry, that's just a normal stone. 460 00:31:00,111 --> 00:31:03,831 John, would you pass Terry the harpoon, please? 461 00:31:04,502 --> 00:31:05,134 Sure. 462 00:31:10,848 --> 00:31:14,721 It's got a very different energy from the stone. Very male. 463 00:31:16,063 --> 00:31:16,677 Try. 464 00:31:24,117 --> 00:31:30,330 Yang. Yang. Yang. Yang. Yang. 465 00:30:10,730 --> 00:30:13,721 466 00:31:31,403 --> 00:31:33,359 So, I went home and I... 467 00:31:34,318 --> 00:31:35,276 meditated deeply on... 468 00:31:36,235 --> 00:31:38,190 on my sexuality. 469 00:31:39,054 --> 00:31:39,762 You know? 470 00:31:40,146 --> 00:31:43,558 I really want to push myself to the very limits of discovery. 471 00:31:43,942 --> 00:31:47,930 After I meditated, I knew what to do. 472 00:31:53,473 --> 00:31:54,220 What? 473 00:31:55,946 --> 00:31:57,710 I went to a newsagents and bought a magazine. 474 00:31:59,628 --> 00:32:02,004 - Tell us about the magazine, Terry. - It was a pornographic one. 475 00:32:02,963 --> 00:32:03,653 Yes? 476 00:32:05,571 --> 00:32:06,645 With pictures of men. 477 00:32:07,029 --> 00:32:07,853 Jesus Christ! 478 00:32:09,099 --> 00:32:10,901 Terry, you're doing well. 479 00:32:10,901 --> 00:32:12,742 Let the harpoon help. 480 00:32:12,742 --> 00:32:16,078 Well, after I bought the magazine, I took it home and read it. 481 00:32:16,078 --> 00:32:17,343 I looked at the pictures and... 482 00:32:20,220 --> 00:32:21,447 I had a wank. 483 00:32:24,822 --> 00:32:30,497 And how do you...feel about that now? 484 00:32:30,650 --> 00:32:31,647 I feel great. 485 00:32:34,524 --> 00:32:36,096 I feel fucking great. 486 00:32:36,096 --> 00:32:38,052 I feel as if I'm discovering 487 00:32:38,052 --> 00:32:40,506 a part of...of me 488 00:32:40,506 --> 00:32:42,960 that I never accepted before. 489 00:32:43,919 --> 00:32:46,795 I see. And are you going to be taking this any further? 490 00:32:49,134 --> 00:32:50,361 What do you mean, John? 491 00:32:50,361 --> 00:32:55,883 I mean it's bad enough I've got one in the sauna. No offence, Leo 492 00:32:55,883 --> 00:32:59,450 but, well, I'm just beginning to get a tad 493 00:32:59,450 --> 00:33:01,329 < concerned here. Oh, don't worry about it. 494 00:33:01,712 --> 00:33:03,590 It would have to be with someone I found remotely attractive. 495 00:33:12,143 --> 00:33:15,096 Do you know what my theory is on men right now? 496 00:33:15,863 --> 00:33:16,668 Go on, tell us. 497 00:33:17,051 --> 00:33:21,577 I think men don't feel received by women. 498 00:33:22,536 --> 00:33:25,987 There's so much suspicion between the sexes. 499 00:33:25,987 --> 00:33:29,937 Yeah, cos we've made such a mess of it as men, haven't we? 500 00:33:30,896 --> 00:33:32,123 Of course, I'm a great Jungian, aren't you? 501 00:33:34,041 --> 00:33:34,845 Yeah, yeah. 502 00:33:34,845 --> 00:33:37,912 Or at least I was. Then I thought what is all this bullshit? 503 00:33:38,871 --> 00:33:40,828 Masculine, feminine... 504 00:33:40,828 --> 00:33:43,780 Excuse me. Terry, could I...have a word? 505 00:33:44,643 --> 00:33:45,448 Back in a sec. 506 00:33:48,536 --> 00:33:49,896 - I mean, it's bullshit. - Yeah... 507 00:33:50,376 --> 00:33:52,715 I'm sure, you, as a gay man, feel much the same. 508 00:33:52,715 --> 00:33:54,133 Oh, God, yeah... 509 00:33:55,092 --> 00:33:58,429 - Of course, Jung was a complete pig with woman. - He was, yeah... 510 00:33:59,388 --> 00:34:03,492 - I'm boring you. - No, not at all. 511 00:34:09,608 --> 00:34:10,413 They're talking about you. 512 00:34:11,852 --> 00:34:16,990 - Are they? - The good-looking guy seems very pissed off with your friend. 513 00:34:16,990 --> 00:34:17,987 < Just a minute. Wait a sec. 514 00:34:18,946 --> 00:34:19,443 < Something...something... 515 00:34:20,402 --> 00:34:24,276 Break your nose. I'll break your fucking nose, matey. 516 00:34:24,276 --> 00:34:26,232 I love that word, matey. 517 00:34:26,232 --> 00:34:28,187 Are you lip-reading? 518 00:34:28,187 --> 00:34:31,715 - I used to work with the deaf. - Well, that's useful. 519 00:34:32,674 --> 00:34:34,745 - He's coming over. - You don't do mind-reading? 520 00:34:34,745 --> 00:34:38,771 I used to. But, believe me, it's usually best not to know. 521 00:34:40,689 --> 00:34:42,606 - I'm leaving now. - OK. - Do you want to come? 522 00:34:44,370 --> 00:34:47,591 Don't just stand there. Go on, live a little. 523 00:34:49,854 --> 00:34:50,851 - Bye. - Bye. 524 00:34:51,906 --> 00:34:56,105 < What's that word when someone likes you but can't admit it? < Denial. 525 00:34:58,023 --> 00:35:00,247 Fellas. Chaps, don't forget. Friday. 526 00:35:01,206 --> 00:35:02,969 1pm. Remember to bring your tents. 527 00:35:06,497 --> 00:35:09,757 What a very interesting group. 528 00:35:11,943 --> 00:35:12,671 Yes... 529 00:35:16,161 --> 00:35:19,076 My God. I thought that Terry was going to go on all night. 530 00:35:19,076 --> 00:35:21,031 What a wally, eh? 531 00:35:22,949 --> 00:35:25,441 Yeah, well, I guess it was important to him. 532 00:35:25,441 --> 00:35:30,886 Yes, yes, I know. But pushing himself to the limits of self-discovery indeed! 533 00:35:30,886 --> 00:35:36,217 - Never heard such bollocks in all my life. Next thing, he'll ask you out. - He can if he wants. 534 00:35:44,845 --> 00:35:50,022 So Brendan feels left out since Terry's found his homosexual side and he's not. 535 00:35:50,981 --> 00:35:51,633 I'm joining that group. 536 00:35:51,633 --> 00:35:54,739 Definitely. Wipe off my make-up. 537 00:35:54,739 --> 00:35:57,806 - Sock down your knickers. - False moustache. 538 00:36:00,836 --> 00:36:01,642 Three eights. 539 00:36:02,639 --> 00:36:04,651 Please play with me. She's cheating very much. 540 00:36:05,322 --> 00:36:10,078 - No, no. I'm going to bed. - Oh, night. - OK, night. - Night. > 541 00:36:10,078 --> 00:36:11,075 Come on, it's you. > 542 00:36:12,322 --> 00:36:13,146 One jack. 543 00:36:13,722 --> 00:36:14,296 Pathetic. 544 00:36:16,214 --> 00:36:17,633 Guys, 545 00:36:20,164 --> 00:36:22,311 what's the least sexy book you can think of? 546 00:36:22,886 --> 00:36:24,266 The least sexy book? 547 00:36:25,225 --> 00:36:26,912 What would you read last thing at night 548 00:36:26,912 --> 00:36:32,589 if you absolutely did not want to dream of sex with a gorgeous Irishman? 549 00:36:32,589 --> 00:36:36,040 Why not dream about sex with a gorgeous Irishman? 550 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:37,995 The least sexy book is... 551 00:36:39,242 --> 00:36:40,449 Margaret Thatcher's biography. 552 00:36:41,121 --> 00:36:41,792 I've finished it. 553 00:36:43,135 --> 00:36:44,361 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 554 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,199 Oh, I know. My bedside table. 555 00:36:47,199 --> 00:36:49,308 Read that book, you'll never think about sex. 556 00:37:02,078 --> 00:37:04,571 Oh, Mr Elton, it is too wildly vexing. 557 00:37:04,571 --> 00:37:08,098 Mother and I feel my brother will inherit Mansize Park 558 00:37:08,098 --> 00:37:13,391 and we shall have to live in West Kensington with one servant. 559 00:37:13,391 --> 00:37:15,538 Oh, how very vexing. But it is, I do declare. 560 00:37:16,497 --> 00:37:19,871 I need at least two servants to get me out of bed. 561 00:37:20,159 --> 00:37:22,978 Ah, tea. You will have a little dish, Mr Elton? 562 00:37:22,978 --> 00:37:27,042 Oh, please. I like a good caffeine rush before I write my Sunday sermon. 563 00:37:28,001 --> 00:37:32,449 Perhaps you should enter into a romantic alliance with that Mr Darcy? 564 00:37:32,449 --> 00:37:37,281 His endowments are the talk of Bedfordshire. But he is so proud, Mother. 565 00:37:37,281 --> 00:37:41,768 - And he eats dinner at six. - I - favour half past five. 566 00:37:41,768 --> 00:37:42,765 We could never marry. 567 00:37:43,724 --> 00:37:46,984 - ALL SPEAK Ah, Mr Darcy! - Ladies. 568 00:37:46,984 --> 00:37:49,783 You look a little flushed, Mr Darcy. Did you walk? 569 00:37:49,783 --> 00:37:54,691 Oh, no. I've been whipping the new stable boy. Thirsty work indeed, Miss Bennett. 570 00:37:56,897 --> 00:37:59,409 You, boy. Have you been whipped today? 571 00:37:59,888 --> 00:38:02,055 - Only once, my lord. - Only once? 572 00:38:02,055 --> 00:38:05,429 Servants must be whipped every hour. That is how they tell the time. 573 00:38:05,429 --> 00:38:08,496 Were it not for tea, we would be little more than savages. 574 00:38:11,373 --> 00:38:15,859 Indeed, madam. A dish of tea is a tremendous stiffener of the manly resolve. 575 00:38:16,818 --> 00:38:17,432 You. 576 00:38:17,816 --> 00:38:19,771 Meet me at the stables. 577 00:38:22,878 --> 00:38:25,332 Good day, ladies. 578 00:38:26,003 --> 00:38:27,441 Mr Darcy is somewhat haughty. 579 00:38:27,441 --> 00:38:30,662 But there can be no denying his penetration. 580 00:38:47,037 --> 00:38:49,453 - Hiya. - All right? 581 00:38:57,045 --> 00:38:58,310 Do you want some help with that? 582 00:39:01,648 --> 00:39:04,178 You need good firm ground for these tent pegs, eh? This is good. 583 00:39:07,208 --> 00:39:13,957 This afternoon, we shall be hunting and gathering for our evening meal. 584 00:39:14,916 --> 00:39:15,912 I've brought no food. 585 00:39:16,488 --> 00:39:17,869 So, if you can't find any... 586 00:39:17,869 --> 00:39:19,862 What do you mean, you've brought no food? 587 00:39:20,437 --> 00:39:22,394 I'm hyperglycaemic. 588 00:39:23,353 --> 00:39:24,618 I could die. 589 00:39:24,618 --> 00:39:26,458 You can handle that, John. 590 00:39:27,417 --> 00:39:30,255 Remember. You're a man. 591 00:39:32,325 --> 00:39:34,282 Who did this to you? 592 00:39:35,241 --> 00:39:36,928 Go on. Go on. 593 00:39:36,928 --> 00:39:37,541 What are you doing? 594 00:39:38,883 --> 00:39:41,376 Catch it, come on! Come on, get after it. 595 00:39:42,335 --> 00:39:44,636 Shit! What? 596 00:39:44,636 --> 00:39:47,127 This bush is alive, man. How am I going to get out? 597 00:39:49,045 --> 00:39:49,851 Just relax. 598 00:39:51,002 --> 00:39:53,992 Look, I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I could get tetanus. 599 00:39:53,992 --> 00:39:57,252 I'll have to go and get some help. 600 00:39:58,690 --> 00:39:59,322 Here. 601 00:40:00,281 --> 00:40:01,432 Have a berry. Piss off, Adam. 602 00:40:04,155 --> 00:40:05,650 Keith, Terry's stuck in a bush. 603 00:40:19,839 --> 00:40:20,683 Thank you, Keith. 604 00:40:24,671 --> 00:40:27,202 Guys, look what I've got. 605 00:40:27,202 --> 00:40:28,006 - God, what have you got? - A liquorice root. 606 00:40:28,006 --> 00:40:33,107 - No nutritional value but you suck it and it has a nice flavour. - Look, I'm going to die! 607 00:40:35,984 --> 00:40:36,942 Doesn't anyone care? 608 00:40:38,860 --> 00:40:39,857 My God, I feel dizzy. 609 00:40:39,857 --> 00:40:40,854 Help! 610 00:40:40,854 --> 00:40:43,308 TELEPHONE RINGS 611 00:40:43,308 --> 00:40:44,152 One Way Takeaway. 612 00:40:44,152 --> 00:40:47,449 - KEITH: - 'Hello. Can we have some king prawns, please?' 613 00:40:47,449 --> 00:40:51,438 - 'Six...' 'Prawns for...' - 'Two king...' 614 00:40:53,356 --> 00:40:54,122 Are you done with that? 615 00:40:58,071 --> 00:41:05,781 THEY SCREAM AND SHOUT 616 00:41:09,729 --> 00:41:10,247 Leo. 617 00:41:11,686 --> 00:41:14,025 It's me, Brendan. Can I come in? 618 00:41:14,984 --> 00:41:15,980 Yeah. Yeah, sure. 619 00:41:18,243 --> 00:41:19,239 - Hi. - Hi. 620 00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,196 It's a bit cramped. 621 00:41:28,176 --> 00:41:29,172 I brought you something. 622 00:41:30,131 --> 00:41:31,127 Don't tell the others, OK? 623 00:41:33,046 --> 00:41:34,848 - It's poteen. - Poteen, what's that? 624 00:41:34,848 --> 00:41:35,844 It's like a hooch, you know? 625 00:41:36,803 --> 00:41:37,800 You make it yourself. 626 00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:41,980 Go on, try some. It'll put hairs on your back. 627 00:41:42,939 --> 00:41:44,166 'All those stars. Makes you think.' 628 00:41:46,084 --> 00:41:48,001 We're so fucking... 629 00:41:50,878 --> 00:41:51,606 small. 630 00:41:53,908 --> 00:41:54,712 Like ants, really. 631 00:41:57,934 --> 00:42:00,349 We're just a bunch of fucking ants 632 00:42:00,349 --> 00:42:02,343 creeping about on the surface of this... 633 00:42:06,236 --> 00:42:06,849 ..world. 634 00:42:10,147 --> 00:42:10,664 Eh, Terry? 635 00:42:13,694 --> 00:42:16,034 Sorry, John, I didn't hear a word. 636 00:42:17,721 --> 00:42:18,718 All those stars. 637 00:42:20,636 --> 00:42:21,326 Makes you think. 638 00:42:26,368 --> 00:42:27,077 God. 639 00:42:28,420 --> 00:42:29,033 The trauma... 640 00:42:31,143 --> 00:42:31,948 Wild... 641 00:42:36,589 --> 00:42:37,585 You know what? 642 00:42:39,503 --> 00:42:40,807 I think I could get quite into all this stuff. 643 00:42:42,725 --> 00:42:43,050 Mmm... 644 00:42:47,630 --> 00:42:55,341 RUSTLING 645 00:42:55,341 --> 00:42:56,337 What the hell was that? 646 00:42:56,337 --> 00:42:57,334 I don't know. 647 00:43:02,281 --> 00:43:05,158 - Jesus Christ! - Get it! Get it! 648 00:43:05,158 --> 00:43:07,994 - What the fucking hell is that? - You've got to get it! - You go. 649 00:43:07,994 --> 00:43:11,676 - You're on top of me, get it! - Go on, shoo! 650 00:41:26,182 --> 00:41:28,138 651 00:41:37,955 --> 00:41:39,910 652 00:43:32,557 --> 00:43:33,266 Over to you. 653 00:43:33,841 --> 00:43:36,603 What do we feel this weekend? 654 00:43:37,370 --> 00:43:37,983 As men? 655 00:43:41,186 --> 00:43:41,799 Anyone? 656 00:43:44,580 --> 00:43:45,576 Don't be so British. 657 00:43:46,056 --> 00:43:48,529 You have to learn to share your feelings. 658 00:43:50,446 --> 00:42:54,860 Always share. 659 00:43:54,321 --> 00:43:56,122 I think Brendan's got something he wishes to share. 660 00:43:56,505 --> 00:43:57,118 Brendan? 661 00:43:59,036 --> 00:44:01,030 I don't know... I had a really great time. 662 00:44:01,989 --> 00:44:04,021 Yeah, but aren't you going to share it with us, Brendan? 663 00:44:05,940 --> 00:44:08,124 That was it, Terry. That was my sharing. 664 00:44:08,124 --> 00:44:10,388 No, no, Brendan. That was shit. 665 00:44:10,388 --> 00:44:13,072 You slept with Leo, didn't you? 666 00:44:14,031 --> 00:44:15,027 Did you enjoy that? 667 00:44:15,986 --> 00:44:20,204 - What's it to do with you? - Was he good? Did you let him fuck you? 668 00:44:20,204 --> 00:44:23,923 - Sounded like someone was being fucked. - How dare you, you little prick! 669 00:44:25,842 --> 00:44:27,529 - Come on, then. - Get off me! 670 00:44:27,529 --> 00:44:28,526 - Get off! - Leave them. 671 00:44:31,978 --> 00:44:34,719 That was the best Wild Man Weekend ever. 672 00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:37,001 Bloody noses. That's excellent. 673 00:44:37,001 --> 00:44:42,063 Terry, would you like to stop at a hospital to get it re-set? 674 00:44:42,063 --> 00:44:44,172 No, thanks. I'll do it myself. 675 00:44:44,172 --> 00:44:46,128 ADAM Go on. Hug each other. 676 00:44:46,128 --> 00:44:49,234 No. I'm not ready for that, Adam. 677 00:44:49,234 --> 00:44:52,723 Oh, incidentally, Leo and Brendan, 678 00:44:52,723 --> 00:44:54,680 I think it's really great 679 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:55,811 that you two have got it together. 680 00:44:59,166 --> 00:45:00,240 Brendan, are you listening? 681 00:45:02,158 --> 00:45:04,113 If I could have one wish, it would be 682 00:45:04,113 --> 00:45:06,184 for you to be gay, but I don't think you are. 683 00:45:07,814 --> 00:45:08,446 And that's OK. OK? 684 00:45:14,582 --> 00:45:15,733 What's that supposed to mean? 685 00:45:16,692 --> 00:45:18,264 Have you changed your mind about me? 686 00:45:20,182 --> 00:45:21,025 No. No, that's not what I meant. 687 00:45:22,943 --> 00:45:23,556 What, then? 688 00:45:27,813 --> 00:45:30,995 How can you have been happily seeing women for the past... 689 00:45:32,605 --> 00:45:34,562 ..the past 15 years or so 690 00:45:34,562 --> 00:45:37,975 and not be straight? Huh? 691 00:45:38,550 --> 00:45:40,851 I thought I was straight, OK? 692 00:45:42,423 --> 00:45:46,180 - What, then you meet me and you have this blinding revelation? - Yeah. 693 00:45:47,139 --> 00:45:51,090 OK, I don't look a certain way and we didn't meet in a bar. 694 00:45:51,090 --> 00:45:52,584 Or would you have preferred it if we had? 695 00:45:55,461 --> 00:45:58,721 - I think maybe you have one or two prejudices yourself. - Really? 696 00:46:01,367 --> 00:46:02,363 Let me ask YOU something. 697 00:46:03,783 --> 00:46:06,927 Have you ever had a relationship with a woman? 698 00:46:06,927 --> 00:46:11,337 - A very good question. - Thank you. - Piss off, John. 699 00:46:12,296 --> 00:46:13,561 Leo. Brendan may have a point. 700 00:46:15,479 --> 00:46:18,278 Maybe we should help you to explore it. 701 00:46:19,238 --> 00:46:21,883 I do think Keith is right, Leo. 702 00:46:22,459 --> 00:46:23,110 Do you? 703 00:46:25,238 --> 00:46:26,062 We're only trying to help you, Leo. 704 00:44:33,854 --> 00:44:35,811 705 00:46:28,978 --> 00:46:31,047 JOHN: - It's nothing to be ashamed of. BRENDAN: - Come on, Leo. 706 00:46:32,965 --> 00:46:34,308 So was that a fair question to ask 707 00:46:34,883 --> 00:46:40,980 in front of a whole bus-load of hairy-chested drum-beating rough men? 708 00:46:42,438 --> 00:46:44,278 Well, he's probably just fascinated. 709 00:46:45,237 --> 00:46:47,498 Well, if he wants to be bisexual, that's fine. 710 00:46:47,498 --> 00:46:51,372 - Just don't drag me into it. - Oh, Leo, relax. 711 00:46:51,372 --> 00:46:54,095 You're quite right to choose men. Women are complicated. 712 00:46:55,054 --> 00:46:58,313 Men are kind of pathetic but at least you know where you are. 713 00:47:03,548 --> 00:47:04,143 Look. 714 00:47:06,636 --> 00:47:07,939 I'm an attractive woman. 715 00:47:07,939 --> 00:47:09,626 I'm standing here in my bra and panties. 716 00:47:09,626 --> 00:47:14,036 We're in my bedroom. Any straight guy would have jumped on me by now. 717 00:47:14,036 --> 00:47:16,989 Maybe I'm just polite. 718 00:47:18,868 --> 00:47:19,482 What are you doing? 719 00:47:21,783 --> 00:47:22,396 Feel anything? 720 00:47:23,739 --> 00:47:24,352 No. 721 00:47:24,831 --> 00:47:27,266 How about that? THEY LAUGH 722 00:47:27,266 --> 00:47:29,720 - Get off, that makes it worse! - Good. 723 00:47:29,720 --> 00:47:34,898 Oh, Leo, I love you the way you are. I don't want you to change. 724 00:47:34,898 --> 00:47:37,813 You're like my spy in the enemy camp. 725 00:47:37,813 --> 00:47:41,532 You can tell me all those little weird male secrets. 726 00:47:43,105 --> 00:47:45,137 I think I should just shut up. 727 00:47:45,137 --> 00:47:50,122 Far too much drumming has released some sort of wild man. 728 00:47:51,465 --> 00:47:52,077 OK. OK. 729 00:47:52,461 --> 00:47:54,033 Let me ask you one question. 730 00:47:54,033 --> 00:47:59,363 If this Brendan were to turn up on your doorstep intent on making passionate love to you, 731 00:48:00,706 --> 00:48:01,971 would that wild man be heterosexual? 732 00:48:04,848 --> 00:48:06,803 BOTH SPEAK Ummm... 733 00:48:06,803 --> 00:48:07,531 No. 734 00:48:53,779 --> 00:48:56,081 - Morning, Darren. - Good morning. 735 00:48:57,116 --> 00:49:01,565 You know, I just had the most amazingly vivid dream. 736 00:49:01,565 --> 00:49:05,015 No, it wasn't a dream. He's just made breakfast. 737 00:49:05,015 --> 00:49:05,724 Leo. 738 00:49:07,930 --> 00:49:10,576 - Darren. - Thank you. 739 00:49:11,151 --> 00:49:12,053 Bon appetit, gentlemen. 740 00:49:13,012 --> 00:49:13,816 Darren, could I...? 741 00:49:13,816 --> 00:49:16,443 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Thanks. 742 00:49:27,181 --> 00:49:29,481 What else do you want? He's gorgeous and he made breakfast. 743 00:49:31,399 --> 00:49:32,741 I mean, the man is on the rebound. 744 00:49:33,412 --> 00:49:35,080 From women in general. 745 00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:36,997 He wants me because I'm not a woman. 746 00:49:36,997 --> 00:49:43,095 - Seems a good reason to want someone. - But it's a negative reason. He wants me 747 00:49:43,095 --> 00:49:44,705 for what I'm not. Not for what I am. 748 00:49:48,732 --> 00:49:49,250 Any good in bed? 749 00:49:50,497 --> 00:49:53,410 - Well, yeah, yeah, he was, but... - Well, then, keep him. 750 00:49:53,410 --> 00:49:57,436 - Darren, you know what my biggest nightmare is. - Falling in love with a straight man. - Yes. 751 00:50:00,313 --> 00:50:02,192 Leo, all relationships end. 752 00:50:02,192 --> 00:50:03,956 You either split up or one of you dies. 753 00:50:03,956 --> 00:50:06,871 So why not enjoy it? 754 00:50:07,830 --> 00:50:10,667 You've got a nice bit of crumpet. Make the most of it. 755 00:50:10,667 --> 00:50:13,582 Darren, why do I have such a complicated 756 00:50:13,582 --> 00:50:17,531 - sex life? - Because you give out complicated vibrations. 757 00:50:18,490 --> 00:50:22,594 Simplify your vibrations. Your sex life simplifies itself. 758 00:50:23,073 --> 00:50:23,801 That's very wise. 759 00:50:24,664 --> 00:50:29,151 Honestly, Leo, you know your trouble. You always want guarantees. 760 00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:32,449 - Doesn't everyone? - No. No, they don't. 761 00:50:32,449 --> 00:50:38,700 So you let the first guy you slept with in ages leave without knowing when you'll see him again. 762 00:50:49,322 --> 00:50:51,124 - Hi. - I just wanted to give you this. 763 00:50:56,302 --> 00:50:57,299 - Your number? - Yeah. 764 00:50:58,525 --> 00:51:00,482 I called you, remember? 765 00:51:01,363 --> 00:51:02,168 Yes. 766 00:51:06,196 --> 00:51:07,576 Well, do you want mine? 767 00:51:08,535 --> 00:51:09,532 Yeah, yeah... 768 00:51:10,836 --> 00:51:12,791 Have you got a...pen? 769 00:51:14,594 --> 00:51:16,703 - Oh. Thanks. - Thanks. 770 00:51:17,662 --> 00:51:18,467 Here, give us your hand. 771 00:51:26,788 --> 00:51:27,786 - Thanks for the pen. - Cheers. 772 00:51:29,856 --> 00:51:31,236 - See you. - See you. 773 00:51:32,099 --> 00:51:32,828 I'll call you. 774 00:51:35,609 --> 00:51:39,520 I particularly liked the way it managed to be gently ironic 775 00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:41,628 without descending into an out-and-out cynicism. You? 776 00:51:42,587 --> 00:51:43,584 I'm not so sure. You know. 777 00:51:43,584 --> 00:51:50,065 I mean, satire is one thing and pastiche quite another. I thought it was pastiche. 778 00:51:50,545 --> 00:51:54,706 - I thought it was more lampoon than pastiche. - What? Surely? What? 779 00:51:54,706 --> 00:51:58,348 Lampoon IS satire, Brendan. They're the same thing. 780 00:51:58,348 --> 00:52:02,490 Pope is lampoon, Swift is satire. Quite a different thing. 781 00:52:07,782 --> 00:52:08,780 You're such a clever boy. 782 00:52:10,410 --> 00:52:11,196 Come on, bed. 783 00:52:11,196 --> 00:52:12,614 Yes, I'm kind of sleepy, you know. 784 00:52:13,573 --> 00:52:14,569 - All right? - All right. 785 00:52:16,488 --> 00:52:18,712 - Who was that? - I don't know. 786 00:52:19,632 --> 00:52:22,432 Anyway, bed. Come on. In your pyjamas. 787 00:52:22,432 --> 00:52:24,464 BRENDAN LAUGHS - Get in here. 788 00:52:34,204 --> 00:52:37,617 - You don't really envy straight people like that, do you? - Yes. 789 00:52:38,576 --> 00:52:39,573 Yeah, sometimes. 790 00:52:43,063 --> 00:52:43,868 You know, 791 00:52:45,019 --> 00:52:47,472 a lot of straight couples stay together for the wrong reasons. 792 00:52:49,792 --> 00:52:50,502 Kids... 793 00:52:52,612 --> 00:52:53,416 Mortgage... 794 00:52:56,830 --> 00:52:58,440 - It all turns into a trap. - Yeah. 795 00:53:02,045 --> 00:53:04,691 Maybe they're lucky to be tied together like that. 796 00:53:07,644 --> 00:53:10,597 I mean, when you're gay, 797 00:53:12,092 --> 00:53:16,310 you don't always have those things so it's easier just to give up and not see it through. 798 00:53:19,187 --> 00:53:21,641 Well, maybe we're not made for it, eh? 799 00:53:23,328 --> 00:53:24,324 Not made for what? 800 00:53:26,242 --> 00:53:26,951 Monogamy. 801 00:53:33,069 --> 00:53:36,942 PHONE RINGS 802 00:53:36,942 --> 00:53:37,574 Hello. 803 00:53:38,744 --> 00:53:39,971 Hi, is Brendan there, please? 804 00:53:40,930 --> 00:53:43,269 Um...no, he's a bit busy right now. 805 00:53:43,269 --> 00:53:45,301 'Can I take a message?' No. No message. 806 00:53:47,219 --> 00:53:48,216 OK. Bye. 807 00:53:49,175 --> 00:53:51,246 It wasn't for you. It was for Leo's boyfriend. 808 00:53:52,109 --> 00:53:52,913 Back. 809 00:53:53,105 --> 00:53:53,814 Leo, 810 00:53:57,381 --> 00:53:59,989 I've just come out of a long relationship. 811 00:54:01,369 --> 00:54:03,478 The last thing I want to do right now is start another one. 812 00:54:09,652 --> 00:54:10,802 So what's this? 813 00:54:13,985 --> 00:54:15,864 Well, I don't know what this is. 814 00:54:33,044 --> 00:54:37,953 My husband's a bit of a DIY fanatic. Aren't you, Desmond? 815 00:54:37,953 --> 00:54:43,361 No expense spared. You know, as my Auntie Maureen always says, 816 00:54:43,361 --> 00:54:46,544 "You buy cheap, you buy twice." 817 00:54:46,544 --> 00:54:49,305 Yes. I think we have to... 818 00:54:49,305 --> 00:54:52,832 - ... pass on this property. - Oh, why ever's that? 819 00:54:52,832 --> 00:54:57,818 It's not the sort of property that we're good at selling. 820 00:54:57,818 --> 00:54:59,083 < Oh, that's a disappointment. 821 00:54:59,083 --> 00:55:03,186 My word. That is rather a lovely table. 822 00:55:03,186 --> 00:55:05,564 < My husband made it. 823 00:55:07,405 --> 00:55:10,587 It's adjustable. And you can make it any height you want. 824 00:55:12,505 --> 00:55:16,531 Yes. So it's useful for a variety of purposes. 825 00:55:18,756 --> 00:55:20,174 I'll have to check with the office 826 00:55:20,174 --> 00:55:25,351 - but I think we might be able to squeeze you onto our list. - Oh, I say. 827 00:55:29,110 --> 00:55:31,142 - 200 Marlboro. - Lights. 828 00:55:31,142 --> 00:55:34,095 - Not the 100s. - And one small atomiser of Givenchy Gentleman. 829 00:55:35,725 --> 00:55:36,626 Al right, Al right. 830 00:55:36,626 --> 00:55:39,770 BUZZER SOUNDS - Shall I get it? - Yeah, thanks. 831 00:55:40,730 --> 00:55:43,336 - Is it about the flat? - No, it's the fashion police coming to get you. 832 00:55:44,295 --> 00:55:47,439 - Well, you'd better get it, cos I don't want to get arrested. - Al right. 833 00:55:49,357 --> 00:55:51,582 I'm really sorry to bother you. 834 00:55:52,541 --> 00:55:53,690 - My name's Sally. It must seem very... - Sally...? 835 00:55:54,841 --> 00:55:55,646 It's me. 836 00:55:55,646 --> 00:55:59,251 - It's Leo. - Oh, my God. 837 00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:01,340 Oh, my God! 838 00:56:07,420 --> 00:56:08,608 - You look great. - It's so weird. 839 00:56:08,608 --> 00:56:10,563 This is Sally. 840 00:56:11,522 --> 00:56:14,092 She was my teenage sweetheart. 841 00:56:14,092 --> 00:56:15,971 - Can you believe that? - No I can't. 842 00:56:15,971 --> 00:56:19,652 - This is Darren, he's my lovely flatmate. This is Ange. - Hi. 843 00:56:19,652 --> 00:56:23,563 - Can't stop, I have a flight to catch. Really nice to meet you. Bye. - Bye. 844 00:56:25,481 --> 00:56:26,479 Right. This is it. 845 00:56:26,479 --> 00:56:27,744 This is beautiful. 846 00:56:27,744 --> 00:56:29,354 Come on, I'll show you around. 847 00:56:32,231 --> 00:56:33,227 This is the dining room... 848 00:56:33,227 --> 00:56:36,410 Shops just round the corner. It's fine really. 849 00:56:36,410 --> 00:56:38,788 Leo, I didn't come about the flat. 850 00:56:39,747 --> 00:56:41,702 I came because that woman, 851 00:56:42,661 --> 00:56:43,370 Angie, 852 00:56:44,617 --> 00:56:45,614 she's seeing my boyfriend. 853 00:56:46,764 --> 00:56:49,487 - Angie! - No, it's OK, Leo. 854 00:56:49,487 --> 00:56:51,941 - I'm dealing with it. - OK, shove up. 855 00:56:52,900 --> 00:56:55,354 Let's get to the bottom of this. We know her type. 856 00:56:56,313 --> 00:57:01,643 - So describe your boyfriend and we'll tell you if she's bonking him. - Darren! - I'm trying to help. 857 00:57:03,906 --> 00:57:05,747 - Is he tall or short? - Tall. 858 00:57:06,706 --> 00:57:08,930 - Dark or blond? - Dark. 859 00:57:08,930 --> 00:57:12,496 Mmm. English or foreign? 860 00:57:12,496 --> 00:57:13,646 Irish. 861 00:57:13,646 --> 00:57:18,862 - Sounds a bit ominous. Likes an accent, Ange. - Still doesn't sound 862 00:57:18,862 --> 00:57:21,010 - like her. - Here's the decider. 863 00:57:21,010 --> 00:57:23,656 Is he smooth or hairy? 864 00:57:26,263 --> 00:57:29,178 - Pretty hairy. - Definitely not. - No. 865 00:57:29,178 --> 00:57:34,814 - You don't think so? - No, it's highly unlikely. So what's his name? What does he do? 866 00:57:35,773 --> 00:57:37,001 His name is Brendan. We run a cafe. 867 00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:42,790 Brendan? Not Brendan with the dark eyes and permanent five o'clock shadow? 868 00:57:44,229 --> 00:57:44,977 Yes. 869 00:57:46,224 --> 00:57:47,853 I know him! 870 00:57:47,853 --> 00:57:50,653 - You do? - Yes. He comes to my men's group. 871 00:57:50,653 --> 00:57:51,879 Your men's group? 872 00:57:51,879 --> 00:57:57,977 Leo's very sniffy about it. Makes me keep my tribal drums under the stairs. He's very closed. 873 00:57:57,977 --> 00:57:59,779 Isn't that in Chiswick? 874 00:57:59,779 --> 00:58:04,688 No, that's where our hot tub nights are. He's my star pupil. 875 00:58:04,688 --> 00:58:10,113 He's come on in leaps and bounds. Opened up like a flower. Last week he shared THE most 876 00:58:10,113 --> 00:58:12,548 lurid masturbation fantasy I've ever heard. 877 00:58:14,467 --> 00:58:16,460 Will you tell him I want my wolf pelt back? 878 00:58:25,549 --> 00:58:27,505 Thank you for doing this. 879 00:58:30,074 --> 00:58:31,185 I don't think I could have done it on my own. 880 00:58:31,185 --> 00:58:35,865 I know they're just things but psychologically... 881 00:58:41,770 --> 00:58:48,212 - I should have packed up Brendan's things long ago but it's hard to do it on your own. - Sally... 882 00:58:50,322 --> 00:58:51,127 Look. 883 00:58:51,702 --> 00:58:55,077 If I'd done something bad, unintentionally, 884 00:58:56,995 --> 00:58:58,452 would you forgive me? 885 00:58:59,411 --> 00:59:00,369 What sort of bad? 886 00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:01,653 Well... 887 00:59:02,708 --> 00:59:07,387 Well, say, you were...going to buy a house, right? 888 00:59:07,387 --> 00:59:12,104 And I sort of gazumped you without knowing it was you 889 00:59:12,104 --> 00:59:15,900 and then you found out that it was me... 890 00:59:18,201 --> 00:59:20,579 That would be OK. 891 00:59:21,058 --> 00:59:21,863 Yeah? 892 00:59:23,914 --> 00:59:26,215 - Yeah. - OK. 893 00:59:26,791 --> 00:59:27,557 'You mean to tell me,' 894 00:59:29,091 --> 00:59:33,847 you stood there in my room, in my house, 895 00:59:33,847 --> 00:59:35,534 packing up MY things? 896 00:59:36,493 --> 00:59:38,947 Yeah. I'm sorry, OK? 897 00:59:40,404 --> 00:59:43,204 - But she asked me, she just wanted support. - Great! 898 00:59:45,198 --> 00:59:47,959 Can you just for a second imagine how I feel about this? 899 00:59:47,959 --> 00:59:55,360 You're not the only one in shock. She's one of my oldest friends and I ruined her life. 900 00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:56,376 Hold on. 901 00:59:57,047 --> 00:59:59,386 Our splitting-up has got nothing to do with you. 902 01:00:00,345 --> 01:00:03,605 Yeah, and she says it's a trial separation, 903 01:00:03,605 --> 01:00:06,290 and you say you've split up. Which is it? 904 01:00:06,290 --> 01:00:08,744 It is the same thing. 905 01:00:08,744 --> 01:00:09,588 No, it's not. 906 01:00:09,588 --> 01:00:12,808 One means you may get back together, the other doesn't. 907 01:00:12,808 --> 01:00:16,030 It's got nothing to do with you anyway. 908 00:57:47,378 --> 00:57:48,683 909 01:00:17,334 --> 01:00:22,242 No, it's just a difference between you being available and not available. 910 01:00:22,242 --> 01:00:23,469 Oh, for God's sake! Leo... 911 01:00:23,469 --> 01:00:26,383 I know all about love and commitment. 912 01:00:27,342 --> 01:00:29,566 I was with Sal for seven years, 913 01:00:29,566 --> 01:00:31,252 - which is a sight longer than you were with whatshisname. - Don't! 914 01:00:36,239 --> 01:00:37,236 OK, fine. 915 01:00:40,457 --> 01:00:41,454 Just... 916 01:00:43,487 --> 01:00:46,785 Just don't tell me I don't know about commitment. 917 01:00:47,456 --> 01:00:48,146 OK. 918 01:00:51,195 --> 01:00:57,905 - Oh, God, why did you have to do this? - What? - Spoil everything, with all this...thinking you do. 919 01:00:59,785 --> 01:01:03,121 Because, Brendan, that's who I am. I can't help it. 920 01:01:05,460 --> 01:01:07,071 I just want the whole deal. 921 01:01:13,590 --> 01:01:17,731 You know, I think you're coping with all this really well. 922 01:01:19,649 --> 01:01:21,643 I'm completely falling apart, actually, 923 01:01:21,643 --> 01:01:22,640 but what can you do? 924 01:01:24,941 --> 01:01:27,894 - It's a break-up. They're hard. - They are. 925 01:01:27,894 --> 01:01:31,154 - So what about you? - What about me? 926 01:01:31,154 --> 01:01:32,151 Are you seeing anyone? 927 01:01:33,300 --> 01:01:36,253 Probably... probably not for very long. 928 01:01:38,517 --> 01:01:39,513 Interesting? Handsome? 929 01:01:41,048 --> 01:01:41,852 Yeah. 930 01:01:43,387 --> 01:01:45,457 Smooth or hairy? 931 01:01:46,416 --> 01:01:48,333 Sally, I can't talk about this just now. 932 01:01:49,292 --> 01:01:50,788 - Oh, no! - What? - No, that's not fair. 933 01:01:50,788 --> 01:01:51,784 I dished it. 934 01:01:51,784 --> 01:01:54,507 - Well, you know, it's all a bit... - What? 935 01:01:55,466 --> 01:01:58,304 Well, there've been a few developments... 936 01:01:58,304 --> 01:02:04,708 Oh, Leo, you can talk to me, have a good old cry, order a pizza, knock back some beers, 937 01:02:04,708 --> 01:02:07,239 - hire a hooker. - A hooker?! - Do us both. 938 01:02:07,239 --> 01:02:09,194 You're a tart. 939 01:02:09,194 --> 01:02:12,377 - Wash your mouth out. - Party pooper. Oh, look. 940 01:02:12,377 --> 01:02:14,449 Interest rates. 941 01:02:14,449 --> 01:02:15,791 - Morning. - Loft extensions... 942 01:02:15,791 --> 01:02:19,281 Darling, how do you feel about double glazing? 943 00:59:44,875 --> 00:59:46,371 944 01:02:19,281 --> 01:02:21,887 I feel we're going to have to mortgage the children, darling. 945 01:02:21,887 --> 01:02:25,569 - What do you think? THEY BOTH LAUGH 946 01:02:27,526 --> 01:02:28,522 Bye! 947 01:02:28,522 --> 01:02:30,938 HE LAUGHS 948 01:02:30,938 --> 01:02:33,967 - He fancied you rotten! - Oh, no. - Yes, he did. 949 01:02:33,967 --> 01:02:37,419 - No, he fancied you. - Me? No, he didn't! 950 01:02:37,419 --> 01:02:39,720 He wanted to bend you over the table and have his way with you. 951 01:02:43,977 --> 01:02:45,549 It's quite early. Why not come back for a glass of wine? 952 01:02:45,549 --> 01:02:48,578 - Oh, no. I'd better not. - I'll go ask the waiter. 953 01:02:48,578 --> 01:02:53,333 - No. Hey, come here. I'll come back with you. - Will you? - Mm. 954 01:02:53,333 --> 01:02:54,330 Oh, Good. 955 01:02:55,289 --> 01:02:59,316 Don't worry. If you miss the last tube I'll pour you in a cab. 956 01:03:00,275 --> 01:03:03,189 PASSIONATE MOANING 957 01:03:03,170 --> 01:03:05,605 958 01:03:05,605 --> 01:03:06,602 959 01:03:06,602 --> 01:03:07,599 KEITH: You millionaire! 960 01:03:08,558 --> 01:03:10,552 I've been there and back. What about you? 961 01:03:11,511 --> 01:03:12,507 Home stretch! 962 01:03:12,507 --> 01:03:14,463 DOORBELL RINGS - Damn! 963 01:03:15,422 --> 01:03:16,418 They're early! 964 01:03:16,418 --> 01:03:21,980 965 01:03:21,980 --> 01:03:25,047 The sacrifices we make for the evolution of the species. 966 01:03:29,074 --> 01:03:30,416 - All right. - I love being a woman. 967 01:03:32,295 --> 01:03:33,714 Not because of you, because of me. 968 01:03:35,976 --> 01:03:39,811 'That was one of the most incredible experiences I've had,' 969 01:03:41,729 --> 01:03:42,726 to be completely passive, 970 01:03:44,758 --> 01:03:47,864 to give myself wholeheartedly to another person, to... 971 01:03:48,823 --> 01:03:51,468 to let go of all social conditioning and prejudice. 972 01:03:54,039 --> 01:04:00,097 In fact, I don't think I've ever felt so close to another human being in my entire life. 973 01:04:01,056 --> 01:04:02,052 Wow. 974 01:04:04,431 --> 01:04:05,427 You know, in a funny way, 975 01:04:06,386 --> 01:04:09,147 the experience has taught me something about women, too. 976 01:04:09,147 --> 01:04:11,908 I know that may sound absurd but... 977 01:04:13,826 --> 01:04:15,437 But I feel closer to women in a way now. 978 01:04:17,546 --> 01:04:18,428 Am I making any sense? 979 01:04:18,428 --> 01:04:20,729 You're making a whole lot of sense. 980 01:04:21,688 --> 01:04:24,104 - Remember? - How do you remember that? 981 01:04:24,104 --> 01:04:24,908 Do you not? 982 01:04:31,428 --> 01:04:33,460 You're lovely, you know that? 983 01:04:35,607 --> 01:04:37,410 Are you flirting with me? 984 01:04:39,673 --> 01:04:41,666 I'm not sure. Am I? 985 01:04:42,625 --> 01:04:43,545 I don't know. 986 01:04:45,463 --> 01:04:47,687 But it makes me feel a lot better. 987 01:04:47,687 --> 01:04:49,182 That's good. 988 01:04:51,714 --> 01:04:54,820 I remember something else you said later on. 989 01:04:54,820 --> 01:04:56,776 990 01:04:56,776 --> 01:04:59,881 You said the chemistry is not right. Do you remember that? 991 01:04:59,881 --> 01:05:02,796 992 01:05:02,796 --> 01:05:04,138 It always... 993 01:05:06,056 --> 01:05:07,397 struck me as strange, because... 994 01:05:08,357 --> 01:05:12,767 although we we were incompatible in certain... 995 01:05:13,687 --> 01:05:15,643 very important ways... 996 01:05:16,602 --> 01:05:19,324 - I always thought the one thing we had was... - was chemistry. 997 01:05:24,157 --> 01:05:25,153 So, why did you say that? 998 01:05:29,353 --> 01:05:30,062 I don't know. 999 01:05:31,596 --> 01:05:33,551 I mean, I thought, if we... 1000 01:05:36,006 --> 01:05:36,926 went the whole hog, 1001 01:05:36,926 --> 01:05:40,876 then, you know, we'd be in love and I'd still be queer... 1002 01:05:41,911 --> 01:05:43,790 You know? That would have been... 1003 01:05:45,612 --> 01:05:46,417 What? 1004 01:05:47,568 --> 01:05:48,660 Well, dishonest. 1005 01:05:49,427 --> 01:05:50,616 Dishonest? 1006 01:05:52,917 --> 01:05:58,746 - I so wish you'd been my first time with a man. - I wish you'd been MY first time with a man! 1007 01:03:15,710 --> 01:03:17,665 1008 01:05:58,746 --> 01:05:59,781 SHE LAUGHS 1009 01:06:00,740 --> 01:06:03,655 - You know who was? - No. Who? 1010 01:06:07,145 --> 01:06:09,100 - Come on. - Michael Weeks. 1011 01:06:09,100 --> 01:06:11,057 Michael Weeks? 1012 01:06:11,057 --> 01:06:13,318 - MY first time was with Michael Weeks! - No! - No. 1013 01:06:13,318 --> 01:06:15,734 Oh, God! 1014 01:06:17,652 --> 01:06:19,608 - You didn't leave me with a lot of options. - No. 1015 01:03:35,613 --> 01:03:37,568 1016 01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:26,396 I was just scared. 1017 01:06:27,355 --> 01:06:28,351 I know. 1018 01:06:31,764 --> 01:06:32,991 - Sally? - Mmm. 1019 01:06:32,991 --> 01:06:39,280 Would you be really shocked if I said I'd like to kiss you? 1020 01:06:42,962 --> 01:06:43,958 Yeah. 1021 01:06:44,917 --> 01:06:48,139 So keep your filthy homosexual hands off me. 1022 01:06:53,623 --> 01:06:55,310 Come on, then. 1023 01:06:55,310 --> 01:06:57,265 - Can I ask a question? - Yeah. 1024 01:04:13,269 --> 01:04:15,225 1025 01:06:59,508 --> 01:07:00,218 does it hurt? 1026 01:07:01,177 --> 01:07:04,704 Well, yeah. It felt a bit funny at first, you know, 1027 01:07:04,704 --> 01:07:07,620 but after a bit you loosen up 1028 01:07:09,538 --> 01:07:12,375 and then you get to like it, and before you know where you are you... 1029 01:07:13,334 --> 01:07:14,330 can't get enough of it. 1030 01:07:15,769 --> 01:07:16,516 Excellent. 1031 01:07:17,168 --> 01:07:19,584 - 'Well, where is he? - Leo? No idea. I don't know.' 1032 01:07:30,782 --> 01:07:32,430 - Can I say something? - Yes, of course. 1033 01:07:34,924 --> 01:07:38,221 It's not about homosexuality, so maybe you won't be interested. 1034 01:07:38,221 --> 01:07:42,440 - Of course we are. - You're safe here. You're loved. 1035 01:07:42,440 --> 01:07:46,237 Yeah, but that is just it. I don't want to be loved, not by MEN. 1036 01:04:57,446 --> 01:05:00,130 1037 01:07:47,386 --> 01:07:48,191 All right. 1038 01:07:48,383 --> 01:07:49,188 All right. 1039 01:07:51,874 --> 01:07:53,714 Would you like to be...liked? 1040 01:07:57,817 --> 01:08:02,918 I think what I'd really like now is just... to leave. 1041 01:05:13,168 --> 01:05:14,587 1042 01:05:14,587 --> 01:05:15,929 1043 01:08:02,918 --> 01:08:04,412 - Now, you know... - Get... 1044 01:08:08,823 --> 01:08:10,587 I think it will make me feel a lot better. 1045 01:08:21,017 --> 01:08:22,590 I'll see myself out. 1046 01:08:24,124 --> 01:08:26,080 Interesting choice. 1047 01:08:26,309 --> 01:08:27,690 I'm sorry. I can't... 1048 01:08:36,321 --> 01:08:37,105 I can't do it. 1049 01:08:37,968 --> 01:08:39,924 - I'm sorry. - What? 1050 01:08:39,924 --> 01:08:40,920 Is this all my fault? 1051 01:08:40,920 --> 01:08:43,835 I don't know. I don't know. 1052 01:08:44,927 --> 01:08:45,733 Look... 1053 01:08:47,842 --> 01:08:49,165 I'm sorry. OK? 1054 01:08:49,587 --> 01:08:51,734 Leo, you're an adult. You can do as you please. 1055 01:08:51,734 --> 01:08:53,383 Sally, I know that. 1056 01:08:55,416 --> 01:08:56,642 Look, I'm sorry. 1057 01:09:01,437 --> 01:09:02,318 I'll call you, OK? 1058 01:09:13,708 --> 01:09:17,006 You cook it for 20 minutes and it turns into spaghetti. 1059 01:09:17,006 --> 01:09:17,926 Oh, pull the other one! 1060 01:09:17,926 --> 01:09:19,844 It turns into bloody spaghetti! 1061 01:09:19,844 --> 01:09:23,027 Leo, please. Back me up on this. 1062 01:09:24,714 --> 01:09:26,055 Guys, look, I was wondering... 1063 01:09:27,014 --> 01:09:27,934 What, Leo? 1064 01:09:28,855 --> 01:09:32,306 If I kissed a woman, you know, properly, 1065 01:09:32,306 --> 01:09:34,837 - would that make me a hetty? - Don't be absurd. 1066 01:09:34,837 --> 01:09:37,905 - Absolutely not, no. - Right, good. 1067 01:09:38,864 --> 01:09:40,359 Not unless it gave you an erection. 1068 01:09:41,510 --> 01:09:43,466 Oh, my God. 1069 01:09:43,466 --> 01:09:45,843 - What?! - That woman. That blonde hussy! 1070 01:09:45,843 --> 01:09:48,489 - What did she do to you? - She is not a hussy, ok ? 1071 01:09:48,489 --> 01:09:50,216 I think I'll be the judge of that. 1072 01:09:50,599 --> 01:09:54,509 - It's all our fault. - I knew we shouldn't have let him get in touch with his masculine side. 1073 01:09:57,386 --> 01:09:59,650 - Leo, you are a HOMOsexual! - Yeah ! 1074 01:09:59,650 --> 01:10:01,489 MOBILE RINGS 1075 01:07:08,518 --> 01:07:09,821 1076 01:10:01,489 --> 01:10:02,907 Expect this'll be the sex police. 1077 01:10:04,826 --> 01:10:07,741 Leo, you are a strawberry blonde. 1078 01:07:14,155 --> 01:07:16,187 1079 01:10:08,814 --> 01:10:12,036 You can't go out with an ash blonde. It's not right. 1080 01:10:12,611 --> 01:10:13,684 I'll deal with you later. 1081 01:10:13,684 --> 01:10:16,791 Neither of you leave the house till I get back. 1082 01:10:20,127 --> 01:10:21,123 That's how I like you. 1083 01:10:21,123 --> 01:10:23,769 Don't you think the decor's a bit dodgy? 1084 01:10:23,769 --> 01:10:25,189 Oh, bugger the decor. 1085 01:10:25,189 --> 01:10:27,221 As long as it does it for you. 1086 01:10:28,102 --> 01:10:30,442 Then, now you're completely in my power. 1087 01:10:31,401 --> 01:10:35,926 Gosh, Jeremy, you could do anything to me. What are you going to do? 1088 01:10:35,926 --> 01:10:37,306 I'd be completely unable to escape. 1089 01:10:38,265 --> 01:10:39,952 Do you know what? I haven't decided yet. 1090 01:10:40,911 --> 01:10:43,135 But there's one thing I do know. 1091 01:10:43,135 --> 01:10:44,248 And what's that? 1092 01:10:45,206 --> 01:10:48,197 I want you stark, bollock naked. 1093 01:10:48,197 --> 01:10:49,060 Oh, my goodness me. 1094 01:10:50,499 --> 01:10:52,800 Oh, not my Calvins! No please ! 1095 01:10:52,800 --> 01:10:55,330 Oh, stop squealing, you little tart. Want the neighbours to hear? 1096 01:10:57,439 --> 01:10:59,395 I feel completely exposed. 1097 01:10:59,395 --> 01:11:01,350 That's what I like to see. 1098 01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:10,248 Now, what if I was to... tweak your nipple just a little bit? 1099 01:08:11,867 --> 01:08:15,088 1100 01:11:11,801 --> 01:08:17,773 1101 01:11:12,318 --> 01:11:15,309 You like that, don't you? Do you want me to do it a bit harder? 1102 01:11:15,309 --> 01:11:17,226 Oh, have mercy. 1103 01:11:17,226 --> 01:11:19,143 < You don't deserve mercy. 1104 01:11:25,702 --> 01:11:29,000 I hope you'll be gentle. You know how huge you are. 1105 01:11:30,686 --> 01:11:31,837 Am I huge? 1106 01:11:31,837 --> 01:11:34,522 Yes, you're huge. 1107 01:11:35,404 --> 01:11:37,053 - Say it. - I just did. 1108 01:11:37,053 --> 01:11:39,162 - Say it again. - You're huge. 1109 01:11:39,162 --> 01:11:41,118 And again. You're... 1110 01:11:41,118 --> 01:08:50,446 CLUNK What was that? 1111 01:11:46,832 --> 01:11:47,828 Stay here. 1112 01:11:48,116 --> 01:11:48,921 OK. 1113 01:11:56,342 --> 01:11:57,875 - Someone's here. - You're not serious! 1114 01:11:58,834 --> 01:12:00,637 I thought they'd gone away! 1115 01:12:00,637 --> 01:12:02,324 She said she was going to. 1116 01:12:02,324 --> 01:12:03,551 Well, get me out of these fucking cuffs! 1117 01:12:05,814 --> 01:12:07,770 Can't find the fucking key! 1118 01:12:10,185 --> 01:12:10,991 Excuse me. 1119 01:12:14,078 --> 01:12:14,672 Jeremy! 1120 01:12:15,919 --> 01:12:16,627 Jeremy! 1121 01:12:20,769 --> 01:12:22,763 Who the hell are you? 1122 01:12:22,763 --> 01:12:26,905 1123 01:12:26,905 --> 01:12:30,587 1124 01:12:29,628 --> 01:12:32,581 My name is not Geraldine and it's not my birthday. 1125 01:12:32,581 --> 01:12:33,577 Isn't it? 1126 01:12:34,536 --> 01:12:37,029 But this is 25 Sheldrake Avenue, isn't it ? 1127 01:12:37,988 --> 01:12:41,018 No. This is 23 Sheldrake Avenue. 1128 01:12:41,018 --> 01:12:43,970 Oh, God! How appallingly embarrassing. 1129 01:12:44,929 --> 01:12:50,721 I'm an S-and-M-ogram and I've obviously got the wrong house. No! 1130 01:09:47,545 --> 01:09:51,149 1131 01:12:52,636 --> 01:12:53,634 Don't I know you? 1132 01:12:54,305 --> 01:12:55,282 < I hope not. 1133 01:09:58,703 --> 01:10:00,122 1134 01:13:00,422 --> 01:13:02,990 It wasn't my idea. I'm going out with a sex maniac. 1135 01:13:02,990 --> 01:13:05,369 It could happen to any of us. 1136 01:13:19,174 --> 01:13:19,979 ANGELA OVER INTERCOM: 'Hello?' 1137 01:13:20,170 --> 01:13:21,052 Ang, it's me. You've got to come down. 1138 01:13:21,052 --> 01:13:22,048 'Oh...' 1139 01:13:32,020 --> 01:13:34,244 What's the matter with you? Where are your keys? 1140 01:13:34,244 --> 01:13:35,433 I don't know. Something terrible's happened. 1141 01:13:35,433 --> 01:13:38,692 Oh, not now. I'm making lasagne. 1142 01:13:38,692 --> 01:13:43,602 Don't abandon me in my hour of need! We've got to go and see Leo. 1143 01:13:43,602 --> 01:13:45,404 What difference will it make if I'm there? 1144 01:13:45,404 --> 01:13:47,551 He won't kill me. 1145 01:13:47,551 --> 01:13:49,468 God! All right. 1146 01:13:50,427 --> 01:13:52,191 - I'll have to go and change. - It's embarrassing. 1147 01:13:52,191 --> 01:13:53,418 OK, I'll wait here. 1148 01:13:56,678 --> 01:13:58,001 I can't go in. I can't face him. 1149 01:14:00,551 --> 01:14:01,548 - Hi. - Hi. 1150 01:14:04,386 --> 01:14:05,804 Ang has got something to tell you. 1151 01:14:06,764 --> 01:14:08,719 Dan has something to tell you. 1152 01:14:09,103 --> 01:14:09,908 Leo... 1153 01:14:11,059 --> 01:14:11,902 - Who's that? - Who, Adam? 1154 01:14:11,902 --> 01:14:13,666 He's sex on legs. 1155 01:14:13,666 --> 01:14:14,817 Leo, we have to talk. 1156 01:14:14,817 --> 01:14:18,307 Now, go easy on him. It could have happened to any of us. 1157 01:14:18,307 --> 01:14:19,303 What have you done? 1158 01:14:20,646 --> 01:14:21,450 What is it? 1159 01:14:24,980 --> 01:14:27,586 If I'd done something really, really, really bad... 1160 01:14:28,737 --> 01:14:32,611 I'm Angie. You must be... Adam. 1161 01:11:27,516 --> 01:11:29,472 1162 01:14:33,128 --> 01:14:34,432 At your service. 1163 01:11:30,584 --> 01:11:32,539 1164 01:14:36,675 --> 01:14:40,433 Has... something happened ? 1165 01:11:35,339 --> 01:11:36,758 1166 01:14:40,894 --> 01:14:44,958 < Oh. Well, Dan has done something very bad 1167 01:14:44,958 --> 01:14:46,722 and he's worried Leo will throw him out. 1168 01:14:50,020 --> 01:14:51,016 Is that fish paste? 1169 01:14:51,976 --> 01:14:55,772 Yeah, it is, actually. It's all I've got, I'm afraid. 1170 01:14:56,731 --> 01:14:57,728 I adore fish paste. 1171 01:14:58,975 --> 01:14:59,779 You do? 1172 01:11:55,548 --> 01:11:56,890 1173 01:15:02,848 --> 01:15:03,557 That's it. 1174 01:15:03,557 --> 01:15:04,401 What do you mean, that's it? 1175 01:15:05,744 --> 01:15:07,967 - You'll see. - What are you going to do? - Sort my life out. 1176 01:15:08,638 --> 01:15:09,539 Can I come with you ? 1177 01:15:12,953 --> 01:15:14,294 Don't hate me, Leo. I was in love. 1178 01:15:14,294 --> 01:15:18,475 - I don't hate you. - I'm not in love any more, though. 1179 01:15:18,475 --> 01:15:22,271 Why am I always the one waiting for everyone else to sort themselves out? 1180 01:15:22,271 --> 01:15:25,646 - I don't know. - I sit at home, twiddling my thumbs, 1181 01:15:25,646 --> 01:15:31,321 while you're out there, getting your hands dirty, taking risks. 1182 01:15:45,088 --> 01:15:48,194 Gherkins, olives, sun-dried tomatoes... 1183 01:15:47,907 --> 01:15:49,191 Leo. Darren. 1184 01:15:49,862 --> 01:15:50,648 What are you doing here? 1185 01:15:51,607 --> 01:15:54,139 I can't do this any more. 1186 01:15:54,139 --> 01:15:55,327 I have to tell her. 1187 01:15:55,327 --> 01:15:58,356 Whoa. Don't you think we ought to discuss this first? 1188 01:15:58,356 --> 01:16:00,312 - Hi, Sally. - Hi. 1189 01:16:07,119 --> 01:16:08,595 Darren, could you erm... 1190 01:16:08,979 --> 01:16:13,082 Sally, this thing that I've got to tell you. 1191 01:13:04,152 --> 01:13:06,107 1192 01:16:13,791 --> 01:16:14,539 Leo, 1193 01:16:14,539 --> 01:16:18,068 - this isn't a good time. - You know each other? 1194 01:16:19,027 --> 01:16:20,656 - No. - Yes, we do ! - Don't ! 1195 01:13:12,205 --> 01:13:13,317 1196 01:16:22,248 --> 01:16:25,737 I think, if Leo has something to say, he should say it. 1197 01:16:25,737 --> 01:16:28,575 Thank you. Right. The other night, yeah? 1198 01:16:28,575 --> 01:16:29,495 You know, when we were... 1199 01:16:29,495 --> 01:16:33,023 - You know... on the floor. - On the floor? - Yeah ! On the floor. 1200 01:16:33,023 --> 01:16:34,940 - What were you doing on the floor ? - We were snogging. 1201 01:16:37,012 --> 01:16:39,351 Don't look so shocked. We were just giving it a go. 1202 01:16:39,351 --> 01:16:43,224 - Leo, can we discuss this elsewhere? - Yeah. 1203 01:16:43,224 --> 01:16:45,640 - Sorry, sorry. - It's OK. 1204 01:16:48,017 --> 01:16:49,167 I know I'm a little bit daft... 1205 01:16:49,167 --> 01:16:51,200 Look, one thing at a time, OK? 1206 01:16:52,159 --> 01:16:55,533 Right. The reason I didn't sleep with you is... 1207 01:16:59,022 --> 01:17:02,397 - ..I've been having an affair with Brendan. - Right. 1208 01:17:04,315 --> 01:17:09,148 Yeah. And... I felt guilty... You know ? 1209 01:13:55,422 --> 01:13:57,378 1210 01:13:57,378 --> 01:13:59,334 1211 01:17:09,224 --> 01:17:12,330 And I felt confused... and... 1212 01:14:01,289 --> 01:14:03,245 1213 01:17:14,094 --> 01:17:15,034 that's it. 1214 01:17:15,935 --> 01:17:18,158 I was wondering how long it was going to take you to tell me. 1215 01:17:19,980 --> 01:17:20,785 You knew? 1216 01:17:21,936 --> 01:17:22,837 How could you know? 1217 01:17:23,796 --> 01:17:24,601 Leo... 1218 01:17:27,094 --> 01:17:31,964 you were behaving extremely strangely and you were wearing Brendan's jacket. 1219 01:17:33,882 --> 01:17:36,336 I also wondered who would tell me. Thank you, Leo. 1220 01:17:38,445 --> 01:17:40,132 Sally, I'm sorry. 1221 01:17:40,515 --> 01:17:44,388 Brendon, I can't spend half my life trying to figure out what you're not telling me. 1222 01:17:44,388 --> 01:17:47,264 - I just need you to be honest with me. - Yeah. 1223 01:17:49,182 --> 01:17:50,467 I know. I... 1224 01:17:54,666 --> 01:17:57,083 I'm so sorry. 1225 01:18:01,262 --> 01:18:01,971 Look, 1226 01:18:05,040 --> 01:18:06,804 Can you... Can you forgive me? 1227 01:14:53,749 --> 01:14:55,704 1228 01:18:09,775 --> 01:18:10,580 Yeah. 1229 01:18:12,690 --> 01:18:13,495 Thank you. 1230 01:18:13,495 --> 01:18:16,217 No, it doesn't mean I want you back. 1231 01:18:19,976 --> 01:18:24,809 Well... Maybe we could work on it. 1232 01:15:09,164 --> 01:15:11,120 1233 01:18:24,809 --> 01:18:26,226 We've worked on it. This is what we've come up with. 1234 01:18:26,226 --> 01:18:30,367 Let's look each other in the eye and just say, "It's over." 1235 01:18:37,807 --> 01:18:39,379 When you can do that come and see me. 1236 01:18:57,672 --> 01:18:58,630 Sally! Sally! 1237 01:19:00,548 --> 01:19:02,695 - Leo! Leo! - What? 1238 01:19:02,695 --> 01:19:05,687 - What's Pecorino? - A cheese. 1239 01:19:05,687 --> 01:19:06,837 No, no, it's ham. 1240 01:19:15,043 --> 01:19:15,868 It's on the house. 1241 01:19:18,686 --> 01:19:27,354 SMOOTH JAZZ 1242 01:19:47,832 --> 01:19:50,937 It wasn't the handcuffs or the damage to the Calvins, 1243 01:19:50,937 --> 01:19:55,730 but the way he did it and the things he said. Made me feel very cheap. 1244 01:19:56,114 --> 01:19:59,604 We must rebirth this adorable individual right now. 1245 01:19:59,604 --> 01:20:03,209 - Is there a quiet room near here? - What are we going to do? 1246 01:20:03,209 --> 01:20:03,783 Darren? 1247 01:20:04,934 --> 01:20:05,663 Yes? 1248 01:20:06,239 --> 01:20:11,606 - How would you like to be cleansed? - Completely cleansed of all negativity. 1249 01:20:11,606 --> 01:20:13,716 Like a face pack? 1250 01:20:13,716 --> 01:20:15,441 A spiritual face pack. 1251 01:20:15,441 --> 01:20:17,205 Well, I don't want to be too cleansed. 1252 01:20:19,123 --> 01:20:23,034 These loft conversions, I mean, they look great, but impossible to heat. 1253 01:20:23,034 --> 01:20:25,221 A bit chilly in the bedroom, is it? 1254 01:20:25,988 --> 01:20:27,368 That's something you'll never know. 1255 01:20:31,701 --> 01:20:36,073 - This was all our idea, you know. It wasn't just Darren's. - I know. 1256 01:20:41,020 --> 01:20:42,976 - So, when are you off to Thailand? - I'm not. 1257 01:20:42,976 --> 01:20:44,701 Brendan's going on his own. 1258 01:20:45,852 --> 01:20:46,829 You are still back together? 1259 01:20:49,035 --> 01:20:50,224 He moved back in, yeah. 1260 01:20:50,991 --> 01:20:51,911 I didn't invite him. 1261 01:20:52,870 --> 01:20:55,746 He came back and... I'm still fond of him. 1262 01:17:35,115 --> 01:17:37,032 1263 01:20:58,469 --> 01:20:59,580 Is that why you haven't called me ? 1264 01:17:40,100 --> 01:17:42,056 1265 01:21:01,536 --> 01:21:02,533 Well, three's a crowd. 1266 01:21:04,450 --> 01:21:06,406 - Leo! - What? 1267 01:21:08,228 --> 01:21:11,659 - Brendan and I had been seven years together. - I know. 1268 01:21:12,139 --> 01:21:16,798 - He'll always be a part of my life, so you'll have to respect that. - I do. 1269 01:21:18,735 --> 01:21:23,816 You helped me. I'm remembering who I want to be and it's fun. 1270 01:21:24,488 --> 01:21:25,484 I thank you for that. 1271 01:21:29,223 --> 01:21:31,102 Oh, Sal, I've missed you. 1272 01:21:33,979 --> 01:21:34,976 Oh! I've missed you, too. 1273 01:18:13,577 --> 01:18:15,533 1274 01:21:38,235 --> 01:21:39,711 I don't want to let you go. 1275 01:21:40,824 --> 01:21:42,760 You don't have to! 1276 01:21:44,716 --> 01:21:46,556 - What? - Nothing. 1277 01:21:47,515 --> 01:21:53,536 - You do have to change your clothes and come out and enjoy the party. - Yeah? - Yeah. 1278 01:21:55,262 --> 01:21:55,971 OK. 1279 01:21:58,119 --> 01:21:58,905 I'll be there. 1280 01:22:01,896 --> 01:22:03,314 - See you out there. - Yeah. 1281 01:22:04,849 --> 01:22:06,517 INTERCOM BUZZES 1282 01:22:07,687 --> 01:22:09,642 Hello? Oh. 1283 01:22:11,502 --> 01:22:13,247 No, stay there. I'll come down. 1284 01:22:18,271 --> 01:22:18,979 Voila. 1285 01:22:21,089 --> 01:22:23,831 You should have brought the women from your group along. 1286 01:22:23,831 --> 01:22:26,592 Add a little female energy. 1287 01:22:26,592 --> 01:22:27,972 Actually, they're all a bit volatile at the moment. 1288 01:22:27,972 --> 01:22:32,382 Jane's decided she's not a lesbian. She just happens to love a woman. 1289 01:22:33,341 --> 01:22:36,371 Wendy's decided she is a lesbian but she wants to be with a man. 1290 01:22:36,371 --> 01:22:41,164 And Penny doesn't feel sexual and says she feels left out. 1291 01:22:45,095 --> 01:22:46,494 What do you want? 1292 01:22:46,494 --> 01:22:48,451 I wanted to... 1293 01:22:49,889 --> 01:22:50,694 you know. 1294 01:22:52,668 --> 01:22:53,762 I brought you these. 1295 01:22:53,762 --> 01:22:54,681 And? 1296 01:22:55,640 --> 01:22:56,963 Well, I thought maybe we could... 1297 01:22:57,922 --> 01:23:01,681 spend the evening together. I've got Time Out. 1298 01:23:01,681 --> 01:23:04,287 Well, it's a bit difficult this evening. We're having a party. 1299 01:23:05,246 --> 01:23:06,244 Oh, I see. 1300 01:23:11,019 --> 01:23:11,727 Oh, well. 1301 01:23:16,789 --> 01:23:18,649 Will you please take these? 1302 01:23:24,421 --> 01:23:25,208 Jeremy? 1303 01:23:25,208 --> 01:23:26,108 Mmm? 1304 01:23:27,259 --> 01:23:28,179 There must be changes. 1305 01:23:28,179 --> 01:23:29,330 I can change. 1306 01:23:29,330 --> 01:23:31,017 There have to be trips to art galleries. 1307 01:23:31,017 --> 01:23:33,202 Absolutely. I've circled ideas. 1308 01:23:33,202 --> 01:23:36,270 I want lunches in Soho. Why not? 1309 01:23:54,984 --> 01:23:58,090 That is a rather splendid bunch of...keys. 1310 01:23:59,049 --> 01:24:00,046 Oh, yes. 1311 01:24:01,964 --> 01:24:04,073 I've got the keys to my mum's place 1312 01:24:04,073 --> 01:24:06,757 and the keys to my place 1313 01:24:06,757 --> 01:24:08,828 and...oh... 1314 01:24:08,828 --> 01:24:10,439 What? Keys to what? 1315 01:24:12,720 --> 01:24:14,235 We haven't much time. Ang's at the party. 1316 01:24:18,492 --> 01:24:20,486 - You're just jealous because I went out and did it. - Oh, yeah? 1317 01:24:20,486 --> 01:24:25,356 - You were sat with your muscle mag. - That's a quaint way of putting it. - Oh, God. 1318 01:24:26,315 --> 01:24:29,881 OK. Now you've done the gay thing, so it's back to the wife and kids? 1319 01:24:29,881 --> 01:24:32,757 - Jesus, you are so... - What is the point? 1320 01:24:32,757 --> 01:24:37,166 - Twisted... - Why not just pay someone to do all the difficult stuff? 1321 01:24:37,166 --> 01:24:40,234 They could come home and give you little written reports. 1322 01:24:43,111 --> 01:24:44,108 You fucker. 1323 01:24:45,067 --> 01:24:46,370 Do you want to step outside, Paddy? 1324 01:24:47,329 --> 01:24:49,286 Yeah. Yeah, right, I do. 1325 01:24:49,765 --> 01:24:50,570 Good. 1326 01:24:51,241 --> 01:24:52,314 About time I gave you a smack. 1327 01:24:57,338 --> 01:25:00,789 Those two don't need to fight, they need to fuck. 1328 01:25:01,749 --> 01:25:06,102 You know, I think you may be right. Good. 1329 01:21:33,674 --> 01:21:36,320 1330 01:25:07,309 --> 01:25:08,191 Come on, come on. 1331 01:25:08,191 --> 01:25:09,188 What? 1332 01:25:09,188 --> 01:25:10,184 You love it, huh? 1333 01:25:14,940 --> 01:25:15,937 Are you over him? 1334 01:25:15,937 --> 01:25:20,155 Erm, yeah. Yeah, I think so. You? 1335 01:25:20,155 --> 01:25:21,153 Er, me? Erm... 1336 01:25:22,226 --> 01:25:23,376 at least ninety five percent. 1337 01:25:23,376 --> 01:25:24,086 Good. 1338 01:25:25,332 --> 01:25:28,247 Are you over me, though? 1339 01:25:28,247 --> 01:25:30,394 Over you? I haven't even been under you yet. 1340 01:25:30,394 --> 01:25:33,309 Or not for very long! 1341 01:25:35,227 --> 01:25:39,176 That's true, but maybe this is all just foreplay for me. 1342 01:25:39,176 --> 01:25:40,173 Oh, right! 1343 01:25:40,173 --> 01:25:41,630 Ten years of foreplay. 1344 01:25:41,630 --> 01:25:45,810 Yeah. I'm a slow-burner. It takes me a while to get going. I thought women liked this. 1345 01:25:45,810 --> 01:25:54,439 - They love it. But what should I expect first, you or the menopause? - Sally! You are so demanding. 1346 01:22:21,532 --> 01:22:23,181 1347 01:25:54,439 --> 01:25:56,126 Oi! Come here. 1348 01:25:57,085 --> 01:26:02,069 Will you excuse us? We're just going to nip across the hall, spend some quality time. 1349 01:26:05,944 --> 01:26:08,934 - I think she likes you. - Get lost. - I do think she likes you. 1350 01:26:09,432 --> 01:26:15,069 Mwah! Happy birthday, gorgeous. We're just going to go and... sand my floors. 1351 01:22:44,080 --> 01:22:46,037 1352 01:26:17,985 --> 01:26:20,285 Leo, whatever you do, I love you. 1353 01:26:22,203 --> 01:26:23,200 You take care of him. 1354 01:26:23,200 --> 01:26:25,155 - Right, bye! - Bye. 1355 01:26:29,718 --> 01:26:33,093 I'm in one of those moods and I'm not even drunk. 1356 01:26:33,093 --> 01:26:34,665 That could easily be arranged. 1357 01:26:35,624 --> 01:26:41,798 What do you say, we check into some faceless hotel and raid the mini-bar? 1358 01:26:41,798 --> 01:26:44,253 Where do you get that mind of yours? 1359 01:26:45,979 --> 01:26:47,934 - Bye, Leo. - Bye. 1360 01:26:50,638 --> 01:26:51,347 Come on, then. 1361 01:23:18,440 --> 01:23:20,242 1362 01:26:52,612 --> 01:26:55,834 Oh, my God. Did I hurt you? 1363 01:26:55,834 --> 01:26:57,789 - Oh, yes. - Jesus. 1364 01:26:57,789 --> 01:26:59,745 - Ow! - Oh, God. 1365 01:23:25,879 --> 01:23:27,835 1366 01:27:07,281 --> 01:27:09,523 You should never call an Irishman Paddy, you know that? 1367 01:27:10,482 --> 01:27:11,748 I'm sorry. It just slipped out. 1368 01:27:13,666 --> 01:27:15,008 I was going to call you dickhead. 1369 01:27:17,884 --> 01:27:18,881 You know, Terry, 1370 01:27:20,990 --> 01:27:24,096 I know this great pub just round the corner that serves real Guinness. 1371 01:27:26,014 --> 01:27:27,164 Would you let me buy you a pint? 1372 01:27:31,268 --> 01:27:32,264 - Real Guinness? - Yeah. 1373 01:27:34,872 --> 01:27:35,869 That'd be nice, yeah. 1374 01:27:37,595 --> 01:27:38,400 Come on, then. 1375 01:27:41,276 --> 01:27:45,457 - Have you ever been to Thailand? - No, but I like the food. 1376 01:27:47,412 --> 01:27:48,677 Well, there you go. 1377 01:27:50,116 --> 01:27:50,824 Another year. 1378 01:27:51,975 --> 01:27:54,966 Was it my imagination or did everyone pair off? 1379 01:27:54,966 --> 01:27:56,845 Yeah, they did. Still, it's... 1380 01:27:57,804 --> 01:27:58,801 it's kind of convenient. 1381 01:28:01,256 --> 01:28:02,866 It just...leaves us. 1382 01:28:03,537 --> 01:28:04,304 You know? 1383 01:28:05,512 --> 01:28:06,509 What do you say? 1384 01:28:08,427 --> 01:28:09,998 Let's cause a little gossip. 1385 01:28:11,878 --> 01:28:15,175 I don't know. So far, you've been THE most disappointing lover. 1386 01:28:16,134 --> 01:28:19,394 - I feel good about that. - Do you now? - Yeah. 1387 01:28:20,353 --> 01:28:21,657 How could I possibly disappoint you any more? 1388 01:28:22,616 --> 01:28:24,647 And that's a very good feeling to have when you're a guy. 1389 01:28:26,565 --> 01:28:30,399 We have to do something about your tendency to leave at odd moments. Women don't like that at all. 1390 01:28:35,194 --> 01:28:38,109 There must be something I can do that women like. 1391 01:24:57,530 --> 01:24:59,984 1392 01:28:48,769 --> 01:28:50,456 - ANG: OK, out. - DARREN: We're just leaving. 1393 01:28:25,548 --> 01:28:26,545 Probably just a phase. 1394 01:28:29,422 --> 01:28:30,227 MUSIC: "Love Plus One" by Haircut 100 1394 01:28:31,305 --> 01:28:37,529 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org